One of the most common messages I received during my divorce was, “You’ve got this!” Honestly, that was incredibly frustrating to hear—especially during times when I felt anything but in control. It’s easy for others to offer encouraging words when they’re not experiencing the same struggles, right? The whole “put your hair up and get it done” attitude? Snap those selfies and show everyone how well you’re managing. Keep it together for the kids. Go find someone new!
Sure, we all know that we’ll eventually get through tough times. We’ll come to terms with life’s changes. We understand that healing takes time, but what about the agonizing wait for that time to ease the pain? That’s the challenging part.
We exist in a society that often promotes “walking it off,” where books are written on simply getting up and washing your face to feel better. This narrative pushes us to bury our sad and anxious feelings deep down. They twist and turn inside us, yearning to be acknowledged while we suppress them, convincing ourselves that we’re fine. That a new outfit will magically make everything okay. That if we just keep moving, our emotions will dissipate along with our attempts at “hot girl” behavior.
I bought into that for a while, thinking that if I acted like everything was perfect, my feelings would eventually wash away along with my face scrub. But that’s simply not how it works.
Sometimes, I find myself driving while listening to melancholy songs and sobbing uncontrollably. There are evenings I retreat to bed at 7 PM because I can’t bear another moment of the day. I neglect my texts, let my legs go unshaved, and let the laundry pile up while I stare blankly out the window.
I refuse to spend my life pushing through while neglecting to nurture my emotions. When we feel good, we act on it, right? We pamper ourselves, work out, dance, buy that cute outfit, unleash our creativity, rearrange our spaces, and tackle those home projects we’ve been meaning to start.
But why is it that when we feel down, our instinct is to retreat to the pantry with snacks instead of honoring our emotions? Why do we force ourselves to become a more energized version when all we want is to lounge around?
Let me tell you—embracing my sad girl moments has transformed my life. Why? Because when I allow myself to be sad, anxious, or frustrated, I bounce back much faster than when I force myself to act like someone I’m not. My energy returns quicker. I sleep sounder. I forgive myself—and others—more readily. I start to feel like myself again when I give myself permission to be sad.
Just the other day, I cried all the way to the grocery store. When I arrived, I didn’t have the strength to get out of the car. For no apparent reason, I just found myself in a low mood. Instead of pushing myself to go into the store, I swung by my favorite fast food joint, grabbed a soda, and chatted with my best friend for over an hour. After that, I felt ready to get my groceries.
Not long ago, I would have forced myself to march into that store while dismissing my feelings, only to return home irritable and take it out on my kids. By pausing to connect with my friend instead of forcing myself to act “hot,” I prevented a meltdown.
I’m not suggesting we should always give in to those feelings; sometimes a bit of fresh air or a touch of makeup can lift our spirits. But we often know when we’re not up for that, and pushing ourselves can lead to burnout.
Let’s normalize the fact that “hot girl” moments are just a small part of the whole picture. Everyone experiences sad days, whether they admit it or not. Trust me—since I stopped pretending everything is fine and began to embrace my feelings, I’ve become much happier.
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