I’m going to start with a bold statement: having sex with your ex is generally a bad idea. To be more specific, engaging in such an act without first asking yourself, “Am I really sure about this?” can lead to complications. At least, that was my experience.
Looking back, I have numerous regrets about sleeping with my ex-husband, yet there’s one significant insight I gained from it. But before I dive into that, let’s set the scene.
Like many poor choices (especially those I’ve made), this one stemmed from a moment of temptation. A few months after our separation, both of us were feeling the absence of intimacy. It all began with a glance at his well-defined triceps.
Sex with my ex was a weakness I couldn’t resist. I had trained him well, and he had picked up on everything quickly. There’s something uniquely compelling about sharing a deep bond with someone you once trusted. It’s not unusual for exes to crave that familiarity, especially when the breakup is still fresh. I reminded myself of this as I returned home after a long night of dealing cards.
At this time, we were still cohabitating. He had insisted I take the upstairs room while he crashed on the couch. When I walked in, I found him engrossed in a game of Street Fighter. We had been avoiding each other since the breakup, but as I approached the fridge to put away leftovers, I caught him eyeing me. My heart raced—I missed that attention. I let old feelings cloud my judgment, forgetting why we had parted ways.
I daydreamed about a romantic reunion, akin to a scene from “The Notebook.” This experience taught me that it’s completely normal to miss aspects of a past relationship. However, it’s crucial to recognize that relationships evolve. If you return to an ex hoping for the same dynamics, you might be in for some disappointment.
I wish I had asked myself, “Why am I doing this?” before taking that leap.
“Did you get a new tattoo?” my ex asked, his eyes drawn to the ink peeking from under my collarbone. When he requested to touch it, I obliged. “The skin is soft,” he said.
“Want to watch TV upstairs?” I suggested. I can’t recall what we watched—either an old episode of Rugrats or some amusing YouTube fails. What mattered was the laughter that filled the room.
Then came the kissing, which quickly escalated into something more. The sex was intense, exhilarating, yet confusing. Performance-wise, it was some of the best we’d ever had. There was a raw passion that had somehow returned, and for a moment, it felt like everything was right. But when it was over, I regretted not considering what I truly wanted from this encounter.
At that moment, as he hopped out of bed to use the bathroom, I felt a wave of regret wash over me. I felt dirty and frustrated that I had wasted our time.
Listen: if you want to sleep with your ex after breaking up, that’s your choice. In my experience, breakup sex can sometimes provide closure. But it’s essential to approach it with clarity. Make sure both parties are on the same page. If it’s a “friends with benefits” scenario and everyone is in agreement, then great. Just ensure it’s not a harmful decision.
I’m not sure what my ex and I expected from that night. Neither of us wanted to rekindle our relationship. We were still friends and didn’t harbor any animosity, yet sleeping together felt oddly final. The more we continued, the more I realized it deepened the hurt rather than alleviating it.
Looking back, I see that painful moments can be powerful teachers. After he left, I collapsed onto the mattress, feeling a mixture of satisfaction and relief. I had countless regrets about that night, but I also found gratitude. When I ran into my ex later, we were able to laugh together, signaling we both learned something valuable.
In a failing relationship, there comes a moment when acceptance is necessary. Yes, you might make some regrettable choices along the way, but once you recognize the end is near, it’s best to walk away. You’ll be thankful for the clarity in the long run.
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In conclusion, painful experiences can be enlightening. They remind us of the importance of letting go and moving forward with wisdom.
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