I spent two years dating my partner before we decided to live together for an additional two years prior to tying the knot. I still vividly recall the conversation we had about it with his father when he returned home after sharing our plans. Excitedly, he revealed our decision to cohabitate, but his father’s response was less than enthusiastic: “I don’t like that at all.” His disapproval was palpable, leaving us both feeling a bit disheartened—after all, no one wants to disappoint their parents. However, we forged ahead with our plan because we were independent adults eager to explore this step before making a lifelong commitment. Looking back, we have never regretted our choice, nor do we believe it detracted from the significance of our marriage.
Living together unveils aspects of a person’s life that you might not notice when you only visit each other’s homes. You discover their sleeping patterns, eating habits, and even their grooming routines. You learn how they handle their finances, their nightly rituals, and whether they prefer to binge-watch shows in bed. This deeper understanding can be crucial in determining compatibility, and I genuinely believe it’s an experience worth having. I wholeheartedly endorse the idea of cohabitation for my children once they enter serious relationships.
That said, I won’t impose this choice on them. If they prefer to wait until after their wedding to merge households, that’s perfectly acceptable. But should they decide to live together before taking that next step, I will fully support their decision. Deep down, I’ll feel a sense of relief that they are exploring their relationship dynamics prior to marriage.
I recognize that cohabitation is still viewed unfavorably by some, and the saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” has always rubbed me the wrong way. This analogy reduces individuals to mere commodities, and in a healthy partnership, both partners contribute equally. If one person is shouldering all the financial or emotional burdens, it’s a sign of a much larger issue that needs addressing.
Conversely, if my children are eager for a deeper commitment, such as marriage or starting a family, but feel their partner is complacent with just cohabitating, I will encourage them to discuss their needs openly. However, this is a conversation they must navigate on their own. I will never allow them to feel guilty about a breakup or a rough phase simply because they chose to live together before marriage.
Ultimately, a relationship is a private matter between the two individuals involved. They must do what feels right for them and recognize their power to change their circumstances if they’re unhappy. Should my children choose to move in with someone they care about to see if they can coexist harmoniously before exchanging vows, I will fully support that choice. If they prefer to wait until after a lengthy engagement or marriage, that’s wonderful too. They will chart their own paths, and it’s crucial that I provide them with the space to do so while offering love and guidance along the way.
In the grand scheme of things, they will likely follow their own instincts, and I would hate for any tension to arise over a subject that is ultimately theirs to decide. It’s simply not worth the stress.
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In summary, I support my children’s choices when it comes to cohabitation, whether they opt to live together before marriage or wait until after. My role is to provide unconditional love and support as they navigate their relationships.