Moms Are Constantly Chasing Perfection, and It's Time to Change That

pregnant woman throwing toddler in the air sitting by a tree

It’s been quite a year, hasn’t it? A lengthy stretch of navigating change and uncertainty has taken its toll on our collective mental health. One group I’m particularly worried about is the moms who grapple with long-standing perfectionism, feeling increasingly out of control over the past twelve months.

Perfectionism often stems from societal pressures and the instinct to survive—seeking safety, acceptance, and recognition. From our earliest days, our brains have evolved to keep us safe, making us acutely aware of our environment to avoid danger or exclusion. Over time, this awareness has morphed into a tendency to catastrophize, a common struggle that many of us face.

Perfectionists excel at pinpointing their shortcomings, fixating on potential failures, and imposing immense pressure to be flawless in every aspect of life. As women, especially as mothers, we internalize the belief that if we adhere to societal rules, prioritize everyone else’s needs, and maintain a polished image, we can secure our place in the world.

However, this mentality has become a form of psychological torture in today’s shifting realities. Why? Because the rules have changed. Our routines and norms have been disrupted. The challenge of adjusting to this new normal can feel overwhelming, especially when we lack the experience, resources, and support systems we once relied on.

Moms burdened by the fallout from COVID-19 find themselves stuck in a loop of unmet needs and feelings of inadequacy. How can we thrive while juggling remote work and the chaos of children at home? How do we maintain our mental health when the outlets we used to rely on have all but vanished, leaving us to focus solely on our children’s well-being?

When we feel we’re losing control, we often revert to unhealthy coping mechanisms, which is why we’re seeing an uptick in anxiety, depression, and increased alcohol consumption among women. I resonate with you, as I’ve experienced similar struggles: heightened stress, increased worry, and even physical symptoms I hadn’t felt before.

Here are some strategies that have helped me and the incredible women I work with:

Normalize Your Reality
Say it out loud: THIS IS HARD. Acknowledge that any feelings you have during these challenging times are valid and part of the human experience.
Practice Deep Breathing
Take ten deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and filling your belly. Hold for a moment, then exhale slowly through your nose. This simple practice calms the nervous system and signals to your brain that you are safe.
Embrace Radical Self-Compassion
Understand that your desire to be perfect is a survival instinct. Give yourself grace and love.
Be Intentional with Your Energy
Recognize that your energy is not limitless. Identify your core values and focus on 1-2 areas that matter most to you. It’s okay to let some things slide.
Choose to Acknowledge What’s Enough
Feel your emotions, recognize the challenges, and then shift your focus to the positives. This practice can help rewire your brain to see the good in your life.

As we navigate these tough times, we have a unique chance to re-evaluate our priorities and learn to let go of the impossible standards we’ve imposed on ourselves. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup; your well-being matters. It’s time to embrace imperfection and prioritize self-care.

If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out this insightful post on Home Insemination, and for those looking for ways to boost fertility, Make a Mom offers excellent resources. For additional guidance on pregnancy and home insemination, Hopkins Medicine is a fantastic reference.

Moms Are Constantly Chasing Perfection, and It’s Time to Change That

Here are some strategies that have helped me and the incredible women I work with:

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