Navigating conversations about disability can be challenging, especially when we don’t fully understand the nuances involved. While some individuals charge ahead with their assumptions, I prefer to approach these discussions with an open mind, committed to learning and acknowledging my own mistakes. Although I may feel uneasy about addressing certain topics, that discomfort shouldn’t deter us from striving to learn and improve. Understanding disability and confronting implicit biases surrounding ableism is a significant part of this journey. It’s crucial to engage in meaningful discussions with our children about disability and to answer their questions thoughtfully. There is a wealth of advocates and individuals with disabilities who generously share their experiences, providing valuable insights that help shift perspectives.
A vital first step is to respect the language that individuals prefer when discussing their identities. Terms like “disabled” carry stigma, but it’s essential to recognize that for many, this is a valid part of their identity. Historically, society has marginalized people who don’t fit into the traditional mold, whether they are members of the LGBTQ+ community, people of color, or individuals with disabilities. I have personally faced resistance in using the term “queer,” which some perceive as negative. However, it is my truth and a means of connecting with others who share similar experiences. This expectation for individuals to alter their identities to soothe others’ discomfort is not how allyship or respect operates, and the same applies to the term “disabled.”
According to a notable advocate, using euphemisms for disability undermines the real challenges faced by disabled individuals. As we explore these topics, it becomes clear that terms like “special needs” or “differently abled” can dilute the conversation. Everyone has needs and varying abilities, making these phrases less meaningful. In her book Demystifying Disability, the author highlights that disabled individuals represent 15% of the global population, making them the largest minority group worldwide. It serves as a guide for fostering inclusivity and accessibility for all.
When addressing allyship, it is about taking meaningful action. Non-disabled parents can play a critical role by educating themselves about disabilities through the voices of disabled individuals and ensuring that their children do the same.
Children are naturally curious, and it’s essential for adults to respond positively to their questions about disabilities. For example, if a child points out a disabled person and asks what’s wrong, adults should gently redirect the conversation. A more constructive response could be, “That person has a disability, but that doesn’t imply anything is wrong with them; it’s simply a part of who they are.” If unsure about a question, it’s okay to admit it and commit to learning together.
One parent and writer advises to always acknowledge the child’s observation but remain sensitive to the feelings of the disabled individual nearby. Often, disabled people are open to discussing their experiences with curious kids, but it’s crucial not to put them on the spot. Avoiding eye contact or interaction out of fear of awkwardness can be dehumanizing and counterproductive.
It’s important not to wait for opportunities to discuss disability but to actively consider the inclusivity of the spaces we occupy. Parents should ask if certain areas are accessible and why certain design choices favor some people over others. For instance, if there are only stairs and no ramp, what does that say about accessibility? Everyone deserves equal access to opportunities.
A recommended resource for parents is You Can’t Invite A Fish To A Dance Party by Jessica Williams, which illustrates how well-meaning intentions can inadvertently exclude others.
Disabled individuals don’t need advocates to speak for them or to correct their feelings. Listening, learning, and actively working to create a more inclusive society is vital. Embracing discomfort can be part of the growth necessary to support marginalized communities effectively.
In a society that often views differences as uncomfortable, it’s essential to actively challenge that mindset.
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