The Upsides (And Downsides) of Becoming a Mom Later in Life

Let’s explore why I find myself as an older mom. I was engrossed in my career as a journalist and not quite ready for diaper changes or quiet nights at home. Then, one morning, I turned 40 and told my partner, “It’s now or never.” Amazingly, just five months later, it was now.

The Positives

I have a strong sense of self.
I feel fortunate to have welcomed a child at this stage of my life. Becoming a mom later on, I discovered that there are distinct benefits. Unlike my 20s and 30s, I now have a solid understanding of who I am, allowing me to parent without still figuring out my own identity.

I possess more time and patience.
While I’m certainly not the perfect parent, I have more time to dedicate to motherhood than I would have had years ago. I can read books about parenting and make a real effort. I might not always be patient, but I’m definitely calmer than I would have been while juggling a reporting career on tight deadlines.

I can take time off.
Thanks to my partner’s employment, I was able to take a break after our child was born. Additionally, having spent two decades in the workforce means I had the skills and connections to make taking time off less daunting.

I can afford assistance.
We hired a fantastic nanny, Mia, who truly cherished our daughter. I genuinely believe that if faced with a life-or-death choice, she would have chosen to protect my child over herself. Early on, I learned how to best utilize Mia’s help. A friend, Julie, who also became a mom later, advised me to focus on the moments I wanted to cherish, like bedtime stories, without feeling guilty about missing out on other tasks. This was invaluable advice, and it made me a more engaged mom.

I’m more relaxed and fun.
My partner and I are less concerned with strict rules compared to younger parents. We had friends with children who were very schedule-oriented, and before having our own, we would often show up unannounced during their structured routines. Now, we welcome visitors without stress and prioritize enjoyment over strict adherence to schedules. If we skip a bath or have a dinner party during the week, it’s all part of the joyful chaos of family life.

I find joy in being silly.
As a more relaxed mom, I’m less worried about trying to be cool. This allows me to join in on my daughter’s playfulness, whether it’s singing or dancing alongside her. Just yesterday, I made a goofy appearance in a TikTok video, and my daughter proudly labeled me “the coolest mom!”

The Negatives

I feel my age.
I have to stretch more often, and skipping it can lead to pulled muscles when I lift my daughter. I tire faster and need more downtime to recharge. Sometimes, I daydream about the bliss of a solo business trip: just me, a glass of wine, and a small screen.

I’m older than other parents.
While I may have more confidence, I struggle with the fact that I’m older than many of my peers. I once found myself at a school event on my 50th birthday, and when asked if it was a special birthday, I lied and said no. It felt uncomfortable being the only mom among a group of grandparents.

I struggle with technology.
I’m a generation removed from my daughter’s digital world. I don’t fully grasp her passion for online life, such as Instagram and Roblox. I sometimes wish I could share in her excitement more authentically.

I worry that others notice my age.
There was an incident at a doctor’s office where the nurse asked my daughter who was accompanying her. I immediately felt self-conscious, assuming it was related to my age. And during a family visit to a water park, I realized the adults I was chatting with were all grandparents, and I was the mom. Their surprised expressions made me acutely aware of my age.

In conclusion, I’m grateful to be an older mom. I recognize the unique experiences I have that come with this timing in life.

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