Dear Alex and Jordan,
Addressing you as “parents” feels strange. In my heart, I’ve never truly had a parental bond. You were physically present, but emotionally absent.
For years, I’ve battled with resentment. You were right; I do struggle with anger. The constant suppression of my negative feelings, coupled with shame and gaslighting, has created a whirlwind of confusion and frustration. You instilled in me the belief that expressing anger made me a bad person, all while you displayed volatility and verbal aggression. It left me questioning my own reality and my worth.
The anger I feel most acutely is directed at myself. I’ve wondered why I wasn’t lovable or interesting enough, leading me to wrongly believe that it was my fault. You taught me to shoulder blame for your actions while you remained untouched by accountability.
I know I wasn’t the ideal child. I understand that I might have added stress to your lives and that parenting can be overwhelming. But none of that excuses your behavior. The responsibility always lies with the adults.
Despite my yearning for sincere apologies over the years, your words have felt insincere. You offer apologies not out of genuine remorse but to erase the past and revert to a “normal” that I never want to experience again. Your version of normalcy is one I reject, filled with self-loathing and fear.
Your apologies sting more than silence. You seem to believe that parents are never in the wrong, and when those apologies come with demands for me to simply accept them, I realize that my hope for change is futile. Respect, in my view, is earned, and you have not earned mine by repeatedly hurting your child and exploiting my forgiveness.
During our last conversation, you, Alex, subtly expressed your hopes that nothing would go awry with my future children, revealing your desire for me to understand your perspective. Jordan, in your last letter, you discussed your struggles with parenting, perhaps hoping I would empathize with you and absolve you of blame. Each of these statements left me feeling invalidated and dashed my hopes for change.
Yet, I find a strange sense of gratitude in your words. Thank you, Alex and Jordan, for demonstrating the importance of adults being accountable to children. Thank you for showing me that respect isn’t a given. You’ve taught me that parents must own their actions, regardless of their circumstances. Your missteps have made it clear to me that true apologies must be sincere and backed by actions that foster safety and trust.
Because of you, I am determined to be a better parent. I will never let pride prevent me from admitting my mistakes. My future children will know they can speak freely about my errors without fear. They will associate love, safety, and open dialogue with me.
Thank you for illustrating how NOT to parent.
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Summary:
This letter serves as a reflection on the lessons learned from a difficult parental relationship. It highlights the importance of accountability and sincere apologies in parenting, while also emphasizing the resolve to break the cycle of dysfunction and strive for healthier relationships in the future.
Keyphrase: abusive parents lessons
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