In the realm of social media, phrases like “choose kindness,” “spread kindness,” and “be kind” have taken center stage, appearing on everything from T-shirts to travel mugs. These expressions resonate with love and empathy, embodying compassion and grace. Yet, the belief that kindness is perpetually attainable, while appealing, is fundamentally flawed. It overlooks a crucial reality: some individuals simply do not merit your kindness, respect, or support.
Allow me to elaborate. I am a determined and resilient individual who works tirelessly to provide for myself and my loved ones, writing numerous articles each week. As a proud member of the LGBTQ community, I embrace my identity wholeheartedly. However, not everyone shares this sentiment. I have faced prejudice based on my gender, political beliefs, and sexual orientation—each aspect of my identity has drawn judgment from certain individuals.
I am capable of enduring critique and derogatory remarks. What I cannot accept are those who actively strive to oppress me. These are individuals who support legislation that threatens my rights and dignity.
You may argue that I should engage these people, educate them, or “kill them with kindness.” But is it worth expending emotional energy on those who harbor hatred towards me? Perhaps some would advocate for this approach, but I choose to stand against ignorance and intolerance instead.
As highlighted in an article from Learning for Justice, “Teaching kindness is a staple of elementary practice, but that isn’t the same as teaching justice.” While kindness is an essential lesson for children, focusing solely on niceness can gloss over the critical issues of inequity and injustice in our world.
Furthermore, the pressure to be perpetually kind can take a toll on your mental health. Psychology Today notes that individuals who feel compelled to maintain a friendly demeanor often struggle with self-criticism and burnout. They may find themselves in unhealthy relationships, never expressing their true feelings for fear of upsetting others.
So, what alternatives exist?
I advocate for approaching challenging conversations with honesty and clarity. Discussions should be based on facts. Sometimes, disengagement is the healthiest option; not everyone deserves your time and effort. Establishing boundaries is essential; being kind does not mean being a doormat. Your mental wellbeing should take precedence over the expectations of others. After all, respect must be earned, and so does kindness. Don’t sacrifice your own wellbeing to keep someone else comfortable.
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Summary
This article discusses the flawed belief that kindness is always possible, emphasizing that some individuals do not deserve kindness due to their oppressive actions. It advocates for setting boundaries, engaging in honest conversations, and prioritizing mental health over the expectation to always be kind.
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