On February 26, 2020, at 6:30 PM, I welcomed my first child into the world. Weighing 8 lbs 10 oz and measuring 22 inches, my daughter marked the end of our long infertility journey, which began with a successful IVF frozen transfer.
Growing up as one of five children raised by a single father, my struggle with infertility deepened my longing to be a mom. The nine months leading up to Lily’s arrival were filled with a whirlwind of emotions. I distinctly recall the moment during our 24-hour induction when the doctor delivered her but accidentally fractured her clavicle as he hurriedly untangled the umbilical cord from around her neck. The silence in the delivery room was palpable until we finally heard her first cry—a sound that brought immense relief to my husband.
After a brief hospital stay, we returned home, relieved and grateful. Just as we began adjusting to life as a family of three, Minnesota’s first stay-at-home order was implemented. We embraced a new lifestyle while mourning the absence of visitors to share in our joy. Instead, we meticulously wiped down groceries, isolated ourselves, and took turns voicing our anxiety over imagined respiratory symptoms. During my 16-week maternity leave, I spent countless hours gazing at Lily, filled with a mix of parental bliss and an overwhelming sense of fear regarding the future.
I watched daily updates from Andrew Cuomo on COVID, and even tuned in to Chris Cuomo’s late-night broadcasts while feeding Lily. I became emotionally invested in Minnesota’s public health briefings, feeling a surge of hope when cases stabilized and frustration when numbers spiked. In early May, I held back tears when my pediatrician reassured me that “COVID hasn’t broken Lily,” after I expressed my worries about her social development due to our limited outings. I cried in my car after that appointment, grappling with the reality that we were just beginning to navigate life in a pandemic.
I felt guilty for mourning my maternity leave when I knew I was fortunate to have paid time off. I resented the constant need to assess risk before making decisions that once felt trivial. The fear and isolation I experienced as a first-time mom in this unprecedented time weighed heavily on me.
COVID shaped my first year of motherhood, but I’ve slowly learned that it’s okay to acknowledge that. Lily is healthy, and as my maternity leave comes to an end, I find a sense of calmness that I never expected. Although friends and family haven’t been able to hold her yet, they love her just as they love me, and that’s what truly matters.
Reflecting on our journey to parenthood, I appreciate the challenges we’ve faced, which have only strengthened our sense of love, support, and hope. Our first year as parents was filled with different struggles, an abundance of unknowns, but above all, it was marked by love.
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Summary: The journey of becoming a parent during a pandemic is filled with uncertainty and challenges. From the emotional highs of welcoming a child to the struggles of isolation and fear, this experience can be overwhelming yet rewarding. As we navigate these unprecedented times, it’s essential to acknowledge the love and support surrounding us.
Keyphrase: Parenting during a pandemic
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