During my first pregnancy, I was certain of a few things: I would be a fun mom, effortlessly carrying my baby to coffee shops and events with my partner, hitting the gym regularly, and breastfeeding would be a breeze. I thought I had it all figured out.
Oh, how wrong I was. None of those expectations materialized. We stopped going out because it became too overwhelming for me. I didn’t make it back to the gym for years. And breastfeeding? It was a nightmare. It hurt, my baby wouldn’t latch, and I found myself crying about it daily for the first six weeks.
Looking back, I don’t regret my persistence; eventually, my baby and I figured it out, and I breastfed my next two children with much more ease. However, this experience instilled in me a deep sense of empathy for all mothers, whether they breastfeed or use formula. It firmly placed me in the “fed is best” camp. No mother should feel obligated to breastfeed, nor should anyone judge her for her feeding choices.
While breastfeeding ultimately became a rewarding experience for me (and hey, it was free), that’s not the reality for many women. It can be painful, exhausting, and have lasting effects on our mental health and bodies.
Breastfeeding is no joke, and all mothers—regardless of how they feed their children—deserve support, not judgment.
Voices of Struggle
Many women openly express their struggles:
- “Breastfeeding my third child is excruciating; I often scream and cry in pain. The other two were fine, and this is just torture.”
- “After three and a half months, I just want my breasts to be LEFT ALONE!”
- “I’m constantly dealing with clogged ducts while being dependent on pumping. It feels like total b@llshit.”
The most frustrating piece of advice I received while trying to navigate breastfeeding was, “If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong.” No, that’s not true! It hurts because a tiny little creature is gnawing on me day and night. Can we admit that it can be painful, even when you’re doing everything “right”?
Breastfeeding changes our bodies permanently. After two kids and 30 months of breastfeeding, my once firm breasts have turned into mushy puddles. I’m only 27!
Breastfeeding has had other effects too. It can decrease natural lubrication, leaving some mothers embarrassed to discuss it with their partners. We face physical changes, yet amid all this, we’re so tired we often don’t care.
Many mothers wrestle with guilt over their choices. I want to stop breastfeeding my 9-month-old but feel guilty because he’s my last baby. Shouldn’t he get the same year of breastfeeding his sister had?
Breastfeeding can also contribute to postpartum depression and anxiety. When I stopped, both my baby and I were much happier. So if you judge me for using formula, I don’t apologize if I snap at you.
If I could turn back time, I wouldn’t let societal pressure dictate my anxiety over breastfeeding my colicky baby. We would have been much happier, and it was nobody’s business anyway.
Breastfeeding challenges, like low supply, c-section recovery, or latching issues, can impact a mom’s mental health significantly. Prioritizing a mother’s health sometimes means quitting breastfeeding. Support should be offered throughout the entire journey, without guilt attached at the end.
Moms are overwhelmingly tired—so tired. But the act of breastfeeding can elevate that exhaustion to an entirely new level. Moms need rest and understanding.
We need to debunk breastfeeding misinformation. Yes, you can have a glass of wine! Yes, you can eat what you like! There should be accessible and stronger support!
Breastfeeding moms require help from start to finish. They need resources, education, and absolutely no shame if they choose to supplement or quit.
Breastfeeding hit me hard as a new mom. It was one of the toughest experiences of my life. Thankfully, I had a supportive partner and never felt ashamed about supplementing with formula to keep my baby full.
To all mothers out there, take care of yourselves. If breastfeeding is your path, seek support and feed your baby however works best for you. If it isn’t your choice, that’s okay too. As long as your baby is loved and fed, you’re doing great.
After nearly 13 years of motherhood, I stand by two vital truths: 1) Fed is best. 2) Mom’s health matters.
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Summary
Breastfeeding can be a daunting journey filled with pain, mental health struggles, and societal pressure. Every mother’s experience is unique, and it’s crucial to support all feeding choices without judgment. The message is clear: a mother’s well-being is paramount, and every baby deserves to be fed, whether through breastfeeding or formula.
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