Parenting
On the final day of kindergarten, during the class celebration, I discovered that my 6-year-old daughter had been teasing a classmate throughout the year. Though her behavior wasn’t malicious, it was still unkind. On the spectrum of rudeness to bullying, I would place it somewhere between chronic rudeness and mild meanness. In other words, my daughter was behaving like a brat.
When I received this news, a whirlwind of emotions swept over me. I felt nauseous. I was frustrated with the other mother for calling my daughter out. I experienced intense embarrassment, and I was furious with my child. I wanted to shout, cry, and disappear from the world. I found myself annoyed with everyone involved, especially my daughter. After making her apologize to the boy and his mother, we hurried home from the party while I scolded her the entire ride.
Yes, while trying to teach my daughter not to be problematic, I acted like a complete jerk myself. It was not my proudest moment. As parents, we crave to know when our children misbehave; however, learning that your child has acted inappropriately can be gut-wrenching.
You feel rage.
You’re angry at your child for their behavior, frustrated with yourself for not parenting better, and upset with the parent who brought your child’s actions to your attention. You might even find yourself feeling annoyed at that whiny character on TV who seems to be the source of all this bad behavior.
You feel embarrassed.
You worry that other parents are judging your parenting skills and, even worse, your child. Despite knowing they’re generally a good kid, the fear of backlash from other parents is palpable.
You feel sadness.
Disappointment washes over you as you reflect on your child’s actions and your own response. What started as a pleasant day has turned into a heavy burden, leading to inevitable tears.
You feel overwhelmed.
Parenting is challenging, especially in moments like these. Often, issues arise when you’re already stressed, whether you’re at a work conference or managing a hyperactive toddler in a crowded store.
You feel sick.
With a flood of conflicting emotions—many of which are negative—it’s no wonder you might feel the urge to throw up.
Yet, as disheartening as it is to discover your child’s behavior on the brat spectrum, it’s crucial to recognize that all children can act poorly at times. This doesn’t define them; they are simply kids navigating their growth and development.
As parents and members of the community, we have a responsibility to guide our children away from being inconsiderate. This is no small task. Teaching kids involves modeling the behaviors we wish to see in them, even when our tempers flare. It means identifying where our child went wrong and helping them correct it, while maintaining perspective and choosing our battles wisely. We don’t need to share every small misstep with other parents. Instead, we should save those conversations for significant issues.
It’s also vital to extend empathy towards other kids and resist the temptation to become overly protective, since we know our own child will misbehave too. Holding kids to adult standards is unreasonable and counterproductive.
We must forgive ourselves, our children, and others repeatedly, as these situations are bound to arise again. Understanding that navigating the uncomfortable aftermath of your child’s misbehavior is an investment in their future well-being is key. We want to raise thoughtful adults, not more brats.
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Summary:
Learning that your child has been disrespectful can be a challenging experience filled with a range of emotions, from anger to embarrassment. It’s important to remember that all kids misbehave at times, and as parents, we must guide them through these moments while modeling the behavior we wish to instill. Forgiveness and understanding are crucial in raising compassionate adults.