When I first embraced motherhood, I remember closely monitoring my partner as he changed diapers, bathed our little one, or engaged in any parenting task. Despite knowing he was just as capable as I was—both of us navigating the challenges of being new parents—I struggled to let him approach things in his own way.
Fast forward to three kids later, and I cringe at my past behavior, realizing how much I inhibited his journey of learning and growing as a father. Over time, I’ve come to understand that observing how dads interact with their children is not only enjoyable but educational.
A Lesson in Chaos
Take my recent visit to my brother’s home, for instance. With eight cousins under one roof, mealtime was a whirlwind of chaos. I found myself in the kitchen, attempting to get my kids and a few nieces and nephews to simply eat. I expressed my frustration to my brother, who asked me, “Why are you stressed? It’s just a meal. It doesn’t have to be this hectic.”
That was a lightbulb moment for me. During the next meal, he encouraged me to sit back while he managed the kids. I watched in amazement as he effortlessly gathered their attention outside, instructed them to line up cheerfully, and allowed each child to request their meal in an orderly fashion. It was like witnessing a well-rehearsed performance, while I was still stuck in a state of frenzy.
Finding Calm in the Chaos
His calm approach made me ponder, “What’s his secret?” It was all so relaxed compared to my experience.
While many mothers exhibit a similar laid-back demeanor, I tend to be a bundle of nerves, counting the bites my toddler takes and hovering during bedtime routines. Admittedly, it can be tiring to be me. Yet, watching my brother handle the same parenting hurdles with ease made me realize that dads not only manage just fine but often inject a sense of fun into the process.
My brother didn’t stress about the same things I did, and I recognized that my husband, too, shared this carefree attitude. While it may be frustrating to be reminded daily that “everything will be fine,” observing my brother’s relaxed demeanor opened my eyes. Perhaps I need to watch fathers in action more often.
Lessons in Parenting
I learned that dads can accomplish tasks their own way; it might not align with my methods, but it gets done, leaving the kids happy and well cared for. I discovered that it’s often unnecessary to panic if dinner is missed or bedtime is delayed. It turns out, sometimes it’s better to prioritize playtime rather than rushing through meals or bed.
I also realized that having popcorn for dinner is perfectly acceptable on occasion. Dads care just as much about the details; they simply approach them differently. Embracing the quiet moments and taking time to relax can be far more beneficial than rushing to tidy up.
Moreover, I’ve come to appreciate that dads love their children deeply and are just as capable of handling tangled hair as any mom. Enjoying spontaneous happy moments often outweighs the need to capture them on camera, and focusing on fun can lighten the parental load.
I’ve been remiss in recognizing that when my husband offers assistance, he genuinely wants to help. Even if his methods differ from mine, it’s unreasonable for me to micromanage his contributions. I’m working on this because I need his support, and he is eager to provide it.
Building Partnerships
Ultimately, I’ve learned that mothers and fathers can form incredible partnerships, and when the mother is not around, dads often not only meet expectations but exceed them. Most importantly, I’ve come to appreciate that both moms and dads are exceptional parents—individually and together—and we can all learn valuable lessons from one another.
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