The past couple of years have been incredibly challenging for my two daughters. Just months before the pandemic upended everything, their father and I had separated and formally initiated our divorce. Our cherished local library was shut down, and our favorite parks were cordoned off with yellow tape and high fences. Social interactions vanished, leaving us in the sweltering Arizona heat without a splash pad or pool to cool off in. “Surely,” I mused, “schools will be back in session by fall 2020.” Some did reopen—but not in our area.
Living close to downtown Phoenix in a vulnerable community meant our schools remained closed. My eldest had been eagerly anticipating kindergarten, often asking about her future teacher, the school bus, and whether she’d get to have lunch with her sister. But even that joy was taken away, along with the family unit we once had in our home with the blue door and spacious backyard. We moved from our lovely house on a quiet street to a bustling downtown apartment, with their dad keeping the dog and me taking the cat.
While their father and I maintain a friendly relationship post-divorce, we both recognize that we shattered their sense of normalcy. We had a choice: we could attempt to bandage the situation, allowing the underlying wounds to fester and cause more damage in the long run, or we could confront our reality and pursue a more painful but healthier healing process. Ultimately, we chose the latter.
Would I have still filed for divorce knowing it would lead to the loss of parks, playdates, and school? I can’t say for sure. Honestly, I’m relieved we took that step before the pandemic hit, as it might have kept us tethered to a broken relationship, hoping for relief from our pain.
Yet, guilt began to consume me. I found myself saying “yes” more often—yes to extra ice cream, yes to candy before bed, yes to increased screen time, and yes to more toys (which we definitely didn’t need). I gradually transitioned from a parent to a circus ringmaster. This situation was tough for all of us. Our external world was crumbling, and so was our internal family unit. It felt chaotic and painful, but I don’t regret indulging my girls with more treats or letting them play in the mud in our old backyard right before the move.
As we began to find our footing, I realized it was time for a change. We had established a rhythm and were slowly healing. I recognized the need to acknowledge my guilt without allowing it to dictate my actions. After putting my daughters to bed, I treated myself to a relaxing bath and slipped into my favorite sweats. I took a moment to write a letter to myself and another to my girls, recognizing all we had endured. This wasn’t about celebrating our circumstances but rather honoring our journey and resilience.
Following this reflection, I felt ready to reclaim the responsibilities I had let slide. Just as I had confronted the difficult decision to end my unhealthy marriage, I needed to address my lax approach to parenting. I had to embrace the role of the “bad guy,” say no when necessary, and enforce chores (gasp!). It was crucial that I validated my children’s feelings instead of distracting them from discomfort. I understood my goal was not their immediate happiness but their long-term wellbeing, which meant allowing them to experience discomfort.
Discomfort is a gift. It’s how we grow and evolve into our best selves. After all, isn’t discomfort part of the journey that brought my beautiful children into this world? The process of bringing new life, regardless of how it happens, is often hard and painful. But that’s where new beginnings thrive.
I needed to embrace the uncomfortable aspects of parenting and confront them directly. I had to reassess how my short-term decisions could impact their long-term development and make choices aimed at raising strong, independent adults who aren’t afraid to face their own challenges.
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Summary:
This article shares Emily Carter’s experience of navigating divorce during the COVID-19 pandemic while parenting two daughters. The challenges of separation, loss of normalcy, and parenting amidst a global crisis are explored. Despite the guilt and discomfort, Emily learns the importance of long-term wellbeing over immediate happiness and embraces the lessons of discomfort as a pathway to growth.
Keyphrase: divorce during COVID-19
Tags: “home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”