I’m overwhelmed with emotion. Just when I think I’ve regained my composure, something triggers my tears anew.
The recent tragedy involving a 21-year-old white man, Alex Johnson, who took the lives of at least eight people in Atlanta, Georgia—six of whom were Asian women—has left me shaken. I didn’t expect this news to affect me so deeply. While I’ve written about the surge in anti-Asian violence without shedding a tear, this incident struck a particularly raw nerve.
It’s not as if anti-Asian hostility is a new phenomenon. It reflects a long-standing pattern of racism within white America—one that has led many Asian Americans, including myself, to falsely believe in our safety. We accepted a notion of “safe-ish,” tolerating silence in the face of unacceptable behavior.
After my sobs subsided, I found myself grappling with a troubling question: “What is it about us that makes some white men feel justified in wanting to harm us?” Even with the understanding that this violence is not our fault, it’s difficult to shake a lifetime of societal conditioning as an Asian American woman.
A friend of mine reframed the question more powerfully: “What is it about white men that drives them to violence against us?” The blame rests squarely on them, not on us.
What’s troubling is the surge of hatred directed at the most vulnerable among us—our elderly, women, children, and small business owners. According to the latest STOP AAPI HATE report, nearly 3,800 incidents of racism against Asian Americans were documented in the past year, with Asian American women disproportionately targeted at a rate 2.3 times higher than men. Verbal harassment, physical assaults, and online threats are just a few of the horrifying manifestations of this hate.
Let’s not forget that this hatred doesn’t only impact Asian Americans; others—Jewish, Black, Brown, Indigenous, and Middle Eastern communities—also face similar challenges.
However, I’m weary of merely recounting statistics. It’s easy to hide behind numbers, yet the human cost is far more profound. I shouldn’t have to scream in pain just to be recognized as human. I don’t want my suffering to become a spectacle for others.
I’m concerned that this rampant anti-Asian violence will become normalized, fading from the headlines and from public consciousness. I fear that if anti-Asian sentiments subside, we will retreat into apathy, relying on a survival mechanism that prioritizes white acceptance over our own identities.
I wish I could conclude this piece with an inspiring message, offering ways to support the Asian community and fostering optimism. But instead, I find myself in tears.
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