If Your Young Child Is Hitting Others, You’re Not Alone

Parenting Insights

When my youngest child was in their toddler phase, they had a tendency to hit, and I found it incredibly distressing. It was embarrassing and frustrating, and I often felt like I was failing as a parent. Well-meaning bystanders told me it was just a phase or that my child would eventually grow out of it, but when your little one is hitting others every time there’s a disagreement, waiting for it to pass isn’t an option.

Let’s clarify—I’m not one to resort to hitting. The idea of slapping my child back just wasn’t going to work for me. I learned that children often hit not to mimic behavior they’ve experienced but because they lack the words to express their feelings. This made sense to me, and I started looking into why children hit and how I could address it effectively.

Interestingly, my child only hit at home. At school or around cousins, they behaved well. It was as if they knew they could push boundaries with me. This realization was tough to swallow, as I felt like my child was taking advantage of the situation.

I tried various strategies to stop the hitting. The moment I witnessed a hit, I would intervene before it escalated. If I didn’t, it would turn into a back-and-forth slap fest. It was crucial to address the issue quickly. I would remove my child from the situation, taking them to a calm space to help reduce their anger. This often involved some loud emotional expressions, but it was essential for them to release their feelings.

After they calmed down, I would talk with them at eye level. I was careful not to embrace them or show affection just yet; I wanted them to understand that this behavior was unacceptable. I would explain what they did wrong, emphasizing the importance of using words instead of hands. I’d sometimes show them where they had hurt someone else, reinforcing the idea that our hands should be used for kindness, not aggression.

This approach wasn’t a quick fix. Hitting would inevitably happen again, but consistency was key. I started implementing longer time-outs and taking away privileges like snack time or favorite shows when necessary. Even young children can grasp the concept of losing something they enjoy, making it a more effective deterrent.

While discipline is essential, sometimes it’s about preventing the situation before it arises. If I noticed a toy could lead to conflict, I would suggest sharing before a fight broke out. If they couldn’t agree, I’d remove the toy and encourage them to find something else to do. It’s about trusting your instincts; you know your child best.

Above all, it’s vital to celebrate positive behavior. Acknowledge when they use their words instead of resorting to hitting. Offer praise and rewards for days without hitting, and shower them with affection. Children thrive on positive reinforcement; they want to see you smile, and that motivates them to do better.

Yes, the situation improves over time. Yes, it’s normal behavior at that age. And yes, you need to be patient. However, you don’t have to allow your child to behave poorly or hurt others. Instead, teach them to take a deep breath, step back, and express themselves verbally. Treating them with respect and encouragement will yield positive results in the long run.

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Summary:

Navigating the challenges of toddler hitting can be overwhelming, but you are not alone. Understanding that hitting is often a communication issue can help in addressing the behavior effectively. Consistency, positive reinforcement, and proactive measures can significantly improve the situation over time. Celebrate your child’s positive actions, and don’t hesitate to seek additional resources for guidance.

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