As a parent navigating the challenges of the pandemic, I’ve spent nearly every moment with my children over the past year. I feel like I hear “mom” a staggering number of times each day, and there’s rarely a moment alone. By the end of the night, the constant noise leaves my ears ringing. I often feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and just plain worn out. Yet, despite it all, I make it a point to kiss each of my four kids goodnight every evening. Honestly, it’s just as much for my benefit as it is for theirs.
I’ve never claimed to be the ideal parent. I admit that I lose my cool with them frequently. Balancing working from home, virtual schooling, cooking countless meals, and managing the chaos of family life has been especially tough. My patience is thin, and I often find myself counting down the minutes until bedtime.
When the time comes to tuck my kids in, I may not have much left in the tank, but I view bedtime as my moment to reset. It’s a chance for me to communicate, “no matter what happened today, my love for you remains.” It’s a time for me to engage with them without distractions, a rare opportunity to connect amidst the daily whirlwind.
On days when I can be fully present, bedtime becomes one of my favorite moments. The house quiets down, devices are put away, and each child has my undivided attention for a few precious moments. We can share back scratches, read stories, or listen to their latest favorite song. It’s often during these moments that the most meaningful conversations occur—my kids tend to open up without me needing to prod them with endless questions. Sometimes, we even end up having fun together, laughing, dancing, or simply enjoying each other’s company.
Every child is in a different stage of life, making bedtime unique with each of them. My youngest, the baby of the family, is someone I want to cherish every snuggle and sweet moment with. With my daughter, bedtime becomes our special time; we can dive into princess stories and chat about all the things she might shy away from discussing in front of her brothers.
Of course, my tween and teenager don’t need my help getting ready for bed, but they still value this time with me. I realize the days of cuddling with my tween are dwindling as he balances between wanting closeness and wanting independence. My teenager, who often acts as if I’m a nuisance in his life, surprises me by returning my affection during bedtime. It’s one of the few moments I can hear him say “I love you” without the usual eye rolls.
But let’s be real—there are nights when I feel utterly drained. Some days, it feels like my kids have been pushing every button since dawn, making me yearn for quiet. They’re overstimulated, and I simply want them to settle down for the night. Occasionally, one of them does that last flip on the bed, and I can’t help but snap after holding my patience all day long.
Regardless of how many times I lose my temper or tell them to give me space, bedtime remains my opportunity to reassure them of my love. I want them to know that even during those frustrating moments, my love for them is unwavering. If they’re upset or don’t want to give me a kiss, that’s fine with me. I’ll always be there to express my love, even when they might not feel the same way.
Some nights, I lie awake regretting my choices and reflecting on my parenting. It’s a reminder that I’m not striving for perfection—an impossible standard to achieve. The reason I prioritize kissing my kids goodnight is that I recognize my imperfections. No matter the challenges of the day, taking that moment to say goodnight helps me feel like I’ve done at least one thing right as a mom.
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In summary, despite the chaos of parenting, I cherish the simple act of kissing my kids goodnight. It serves as a reminder of my love and dedication to them, even on the toughest days.
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