I recently heard a new father share his experiences with his newborn, and while he was completely enamored with his little one, he quickly expressed frustration about sleep. His main complaint? The loud grunting sounds his baby made while feeding, which kept him awake at night. But here’s the kicker—his wife was the one breastfeeding while he buried his head under a pillow. “Let’s fix this right now,” I said, seeing the hope in his eyes as if I held the key to a good night’s sleep. “You need to be more involved at night and support your wife.” That wasn’t the answer he was looking for.
Having been in the position where I couldn’t assist with breastfeeding, I understand the feeling of helplessness. It’s easy to roll over and ignore the needs of your partner at night. I’ll admit, I’ve done it too. But I soon realized that being a supportive partner is crucial, especially at night. Just because I wasn’t breastfeeding didn’t mean my parental responsibilities disappeared when the sun went down.
Many fathers who work outside the home believe they deserve more sleep than their partners who stay home. This outdated mindset needs to be tossed aside. Sleep is essential for everyone, and it shouldn’t be allocated based on archaic beliefs. The role of a breadwinner doesn’t outweigh that of a stay-at-home parent, as both roles are interconnected. Remember to appreciate your partner for enabling you to pursue a career outside the home.
As someone who has experienced both staying home and working, I found staying home with kids to be the more challenging job. If your partner is the main nighttime caregiver, it’s time to apologize and make changes because burnout is real. Don’t expect your needs to be prioritized after you’ve complained about a noisy baby.
Moreover, not all moms can or wish to stay at home. If both parents are working full-time, why is it still assumed that nighttime care is solely the mom’s responsibility? Dads, it’s time to take a step back and reassess.
In my previous relationship, there were nights when my ex-partner preferred to handle everything herself, thinking it was more efficient. However, we always had an understanding that I was available to help. I would anticipate being woken up and was ready to assist, whether by changing diapers or providing water. As our family grew, we established a split schedule for nighttime feedings. We even agreed that anything said between midnight and 6:00 AM wasn’t subject to conflict.
The division of labor in parenting should be equitable from the start. Otherwise, a harmful dynamic emerges where Dad sleeps while Mom is left exhausted and frustrated. It’s vital to recognize that there are no “Moms only” rules for nighttime care. Fathers need to step up and engage in all aspects of parenting, including bedtime routines and nighttime emergencies.
If you’re already taking an active role, thank you for breaking the cycle of entitlement. If you’re not, now is the time to step up because your partner deserves better.
For more insights on home insemination and parenting, check out this blog post.