As a parent, I want to be clear: I care deeply. My concern spans a wide range of areas — from what my kids eat, to their sleep schedules, to ensuring their clothes match. This attention to detail stems from my background in child psychology, where I emphasize the importance of routines and stability for emotional well-being.
Recently, I found myself grappling with the logistics of my niece’s upcoming bar mitzvah. The day promised a lengthy service followed by a reception on a party boat — thrilling, right? Initially, I was overwhelmed. My boys would face a long day without a chance to nap, and my mind swirled with potential catastrophes, like my youngest having an accident right in the middle of the hora or my older son indulging in sweets and toppling overboard.
In that moment of anxiety, it hit me: perhaps I could choose to let go of some of my concerns for the day. When I say “let go,” I don’t mean that I would neglect my children’s safety or well-being. Instead, I would loosen my grip on their routines, diets, and even their manners. I resolved to overlook the playful chaos that could unfold between them and their cousins and allow them the freedom to explore without hovering constantly.
On the day of the event, my boys woke up unusually early, signaling they might not be at their best. Determined to embrace this new mindset, I dressed them in their suits and headed to the synagogue. And you know what? I actually succeeded in not worrying that day. I didn’t fret over the fact that they survived on grape juice and cookies alone. I watched my older son and my nephew dash around the dance floor, and instead of intervening, I let them enjoy their fun. My younger son spent a considerable time playing with a rusty chain he found, which he found far more entertaining than the DJ — and yes, my husband and I took turns keeping an eye on him.
That day turned out to be a joy. I managed to step back and engage with relatives I seldom see, enjoying adult conversations and focusing on the bar mitzvah celebration. By relaxing my standards, I found a sense of ease (or as close to it as one can feel while parenting). Surprisingly, my little one didn’t have any accidents, and the kids remained safe, albeit a bit hyper from the sugar.
My experience at the bar mitzvah illustrated a key insight: it’s possible to be a caring parent without being overly rigid at all times. There are moments when it’s beneficial to take a breather from the stress of parenting. You’ll come across scenarios where control is simply unattainable, like shopping trips, family vacations, packed holiday gatherings, or events with bounce houses. Trust me, I’m already looking forward to embracing this mindset during our beach trips with family this summer.
As you navigate your own parenting adventures, you may find yourself in situations that challenge your need for control. Whether you’re on a party boat with a newly potty-trained child and a sugar-fueled six-year-old, or in another unpredictable scenario, consider giving yourself permission to let go. It’s a strategy that can help you stay afloat during the turbulence of parenthood.
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