Approximately nine months into navigating single parenthood during a pandemic, I stumbled upon an online fiction writing course. The course outline emphasized its demanding nature, and the application process was equally intensive, with a tight deadline looming. Faced with rising COVID-19 cases and persistent cold weather, I made a somewhat impulsive decision to apply. A week later, I received the exciting news of my acceptance.
As expected, the coursework was rigorous, requiring several hours each week for assignments and readings. However, it also provided a refreshing escape from the challenges of solo parenting during such a trying time. The instructor and classmates were inspiring, and for the first time in many months, I felt invigorated to chase after a long-held dream.
Time is a scarce resource, especially for a single parent. Even before the pandemic disrupted our lives, I often found myself adding tasks to my to-do list faster than I could complete them. The reality of parenting in this fast-paced era, particularly as a solo parent, means that every moment is accounted for. From sunrise to sunset, my schedule is packed.
To carve out time for this class, I had to scale back in certain areas — goodbye, sleep — and make compromises elsewhere. I even took time away from the moments I usually set aside to simply “be” with my kids, which is distinct from the time spent helping with homework or settling disagreements.
The first night I logged into my virtual class, headphones in and the outside world tuned out, I had to tell my kids that I couldn’t join them for our Netflix binge. Guilt washed over me. As their only parent, I felt torn. My day had already been filled with work, reminding them to complete their school assignments, and managing the household. It felt like I was choosing my aspirations over them, a choice that felt inherently selfish.
Then, they wished me a good class and immersed themselves in their own activities, and a new realization struck me. While I was indeed prioritizing my dream, it was more than mere self-indulgence. By making this choice, I was demonstrating to them what it means to pursue one’s ambitions. I was showing them that adults, too, have dreams and goals worth chasing.
In prioritizing myself, I was teaching my children the importance of supporting one another’s aspirations. Family support should flow in both directions—parent to child and child to parent. This dynamic reinforces the idea that we are all in this together.
I often struggle with the notion of being “selfish.” As a solo parent, I frequently believe my needs are secondary to those of my children. After their father’s departure, I’ve held them through heartbreak, wishing I could take away their pain. I would do almost anything to shield them from hurt, which makes the act of choosing my own needs feel counterintuitive.
However, they need to witness me prioritizing myself. This small act of “selfishness” isn’t a negative thing.
Those few extra hours dedicated to my writing class helped me feel more visible during the pandemic and rekindled my hope for the future. They became a lifeline, reminding me of who I am outside of my role as a parent. Now, weeks after the course has concluded, I feel more productive, motivated, and present with my children than I have in months.
For them, observing my commitment to my goals will hopefully instill in them the understanding that their dreams are worth pursuing, their desires are valid, and our family will always be there to support one another.
If you’re interested in learning more about similar topics, check out this other blog post. For those looking into family planning, this resource is a great authority on the subject, and you can delve deeper into the topic of pregnancy through this Wikipedia page.
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Summary:
Single parents sometimes need to prioritize their own needs, which can ultimately benefit their children. By taking time for personal pursuits, parents can model ambition and support within the family. This not only helps the parent feel more fulfilled but also teaches children the importance of pursuing their dreams and supporting one another.
Keyphrase: single parents prioritizing themselves
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