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Embrace Your Freedom in Your 40s
Updated: March 9, 2021
Originally Published: March 3, 2021
Age is more than just a number; it’s intertwined with societal expectations and milestones that we often measure ourselves against. What if your baby isn’t walking or talking by their first birthday? Holy moly, they’re 10! Double digits! Sweet Sixteen, here we come with extravagant parties and driver’s licenses. Congrats on turning 18; you’re now an adult and an eligible voter. Enjoy drinking legally and spending your cash at casinos with your shiny 21 ID. And now that you’re 40? Well, apparently your life is dedicated to your kids, and it’s all downhill from here—so slap a bumper sticker on yourself that says, “Honk if I fall apart.”
No way. It’s time to rewrite this narrative. Our journey to 40 can be vastly different from this script, and for many, life truly begins at 40. We can do anything we desire.
As I approach 42, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t felt that pang of regret over missed opportunities or unachieved goals. I’ve experienced full-blown panic attacks, worrying that life has sped by and I’m too old to accomplish everything on my list. I haven’t penned a book. I haven’t returned to school for that master’s degree I crave. I haven’t traveled to Europe. And I can’t do a muscle-up in CrossFit or a handstand in yoga.
Yet.
Just adding that one little word—yet—shifts my perspective. It’s not merely my age that has held me back; it’s been a lack of opportunity and not realizing what I wanted. It’s not like I haven’t been busy engaging in all that life offers. Turning 40 doesn’t mean life comes to a halt.
I also remind myself of all I’ve accomplished and learned “later in life.” Growing older brings a wealth of experiences and hopefully greater insight into who we are and what we need. I was nearing 40 when I got sober. I was 40 when I had gender-affirming top surgery after coming out as nonbinary a couple of years earlier. Compared to younger transgender individuals undergoing the same procedures, I was practically a veteran. I’m divorced and now with a new partner, beginning a fresh relationship, even if we don’t fully know what that looks like yet due to the long-distance nature of it. We often wish for more time together, but we met and fell in love exactly when we were meant to—and that was after turning 40.
Just because you haven’t ticked off items on your to-do list doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t. You can still get pregnant, go through a divorce, start dating, or remarry. You can come out of the closet. You can express your gender through clothing and accessories. You can relocate, launch a business or project, change jobs, or even switch career fields. You can pursue education or write that book. You can become a foster parent. You don’t have to sit idly by in your own life. Yes, some factors are beyond your control, but there are still plenty of things you can manage and alter. Even if grand adventures aren’t appealing or feasible, the smaller things matter too.
Our curiosity remains boundless; you’re never too old to try new things, whether it’s something you’ve always wanted to do or a newfound interest. You can learn to drive, swim, ride a bike, ski, skate, or master yoga inversions. You can learn to cook, scuba dive, pole dance, garden, change your car’s oil, or handle your own taxes. You can travel, take a stand-up comedy class, or even run a marathon.
Let’s also give ourselves permission to feel youthful, beautiful, and desirable. Our bodies evolve as we age, but that doesn’t equate to falling apart or becoming less attractive. At almost 42, I understand my body better now than I did a decade ago. This understanding has led to improved experiences in exercise, intimacy, and daily living. My body has been through a lot, but age has helped me discover the best ways to love and utilize it. Society often makes it challenging for women to feel good about their bodies as they age—hello, anti-wrinkle creams, hair dye, and bizarre metabolism boosters—but forget that noise. Invest in what brings you joy, not in products that perpetuate unrealistic beauty standards. Indulge in good food, wear comfortable clothing, and embrace those laugh lines.
There are countless things we can still do after turning 40, many of which can be more fulfilling and enjoyable than when we were younger. We need to care less about age and ignore the stigmatizing messages that suggest we can’t live our best lives post-40. The list of experiences I want to pursue is extensive, and it’s easy to feel like I’m lagging behind. However, when I remove comparison from the equation, I focus less on where I think I should be based on age. I’m either right where I’m meant to be or just not there yet, and I refuse to let another year hold me back.
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Summary:
Turning 40 doesn’t signify the end of opportunities; instead, it can be a new beginning. We can redefine our paths, pursuing passions, relationships, and adventures. Age is not a barrier; it’s a chance to embrace life fully. Let’s focus on what we can achieve, celebrating our experiences and the joy of trying new things.
Keyphrase: Life after 40
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