For years, my partner and I skirted around the topic of intimacy without ever really addressing it directly—decades, in fact. There are many factors at play: busy lives with kids, personal health issues, and our differing family backgrounds regarding open communication. While I was raised in a household where everything was discussed, he came from a more reserved environment. But I realized that these reasons shouldn’t prevent us from having meaningful conversations about our sexual needs, just as we would discuss our finances or our children’s education.
One day, I decided enough was enough. We have a loving relationship, share responsibilities, and co-parent effectively. So why not have an open conversation about our sex life? The truth is, we rarely engage in intimacy—mainly because I often just don’t feel like it during certain times of the month. As an advocate for women’s rights, I’ve always believed I don’t owe anyone an explanation, even my spouse, about my lack of desire. Yet this led to ongoing disappointment and frustration for us both.
During my PMS week, I feel bloated, irritable, and generally unsexy. It’s a time when I’d rather lounge in my comfiest sweats, snack on frozen treats, and prepare for the impending arrival of my period. The thought of intimacy during this time is as appealing as a marathon of a show I can’t stand.
Then comes my actual period. While it used to be relatively mild, it has now extended to a full week of discomfort, with plenty of trips to the bathroom for supplies and pain relief. The last thing on my mind is intimacy—I’d rather watch paint dry.
This leaves me with two blissful weeks each month—my “happy weeks.” During this time, I’m energized, feeling good about myself, and definitely in the mood for intimacy.
Finally, I decided to share this with my partner during a relaxed evening at home. I blurted out, “I have a four-week cycle. Here’s my sex window.” I explained that I’m typically open to intimacy during the two weeks following my period, with a possible grace period for extra enthusiasm. We even joked about coming up with a code system where I could simply say what week I was on.
We landed on a straightforward question: he could ask, “What week?” and I could respond with a number. If it’s a one or two, we’re good to go. If it’s a three or four, he knows to handle things himself.
Some might think this sounds silly or even extreme. Many women worry about denying their partners intimacy, fearing they might seek it elsewhere. Others might fake enthusiasm or make excuses to avoid it altogether. But I refuse to engage in dishonesty, especially with myself.
As a long-time couple, we have a strong foundation. We may not be perfect, but we can certainly establish a clear “sex window” without any confusion. It’s easy to get caught up in the grind of life and forget to discuss what’s truly important. We’ve learned that not all couples are adept at tackling difficult subjects, even when they involve intimacy.
Creating this simple framework for our intimate life has been liberating. By clearly defining when I’m available, we’ve eliminated the awkward dance around the topic. If you’re interested in other insights, check out this post on home insemination here. For those seeking to boost their fertility, I recommend this resource. Additionally, if you’re navigating pregnancy, Healthline offers excellent information.
In summary, by openly discussing my “sex window,” we have transformed our intimacy. This new approach has not only reduced misunderstandings but also created a more fulfilling connection between us.
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