By: Jamie Lane
Updated: Feb. 27, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 25, 2021
I see myself as a resilient woman—strong-willed and not one to back down easily. Growing up in a challenging environment, I quickly learned to toughen up. I locked away my emotions and kept my inner child hidden away for years, safe but confined. After my mother passed away in the summer of 2020, the protective barriers I had built around my past began to crumble, revealing the painful memories I had suppressed for so long.
To provide context, I had a tumultuous upbringing. I lost my grandfather at five and my father when I was twelve. After his death, my mother fell into a deep depression exacerbated by alcohol, which ultimately led to her demise. My childhood was steeped in trauma, and I became accustomed to pain and emotional turmoil. My mother often berated me, and while I developed a thick skin to cope, I didn’t realize the toll it would take on my mental health until much later.
When I started experiencing flashbacks reminiscent of PTSD, I sought help from my psychiatrist, requesting adjustments to my medication. I began running, my preferred form of self-care, and found a new therapist specializing in trauma. As we explored my childhood, she made a surprising suggestion: I needed to “reparent” my inner child.
According to Rachel O’Neill, a licensed counselor, reparenting can help individuals repair attachments and foster healthier relationships. It addresses the emotional needs unmet in childhood, which can lead to difficulties in adulthood. Ladan Nikravan Hayes notes that without feeling secure and loved, many struggle to navigate relationships effectively.
Initially, I thought my therapist’s advice to imagine “little Jamie” sitting on my lap was absurd. However, I eventually gave in. I started to speak to myself the way I would comfort my own children, reassuring myself with phrases like “It’s okay. You’re doing fine. Mistakes are part of life.” I learned to sit with my emotions rather than flee from them, allowing my inner child to express sadness and pain.
I also began challenging negative self-perceptions: “Am I a bad mom? Prove it.” This reframing helped me view my life more positively, affirming that I am enough. I’ve committed to loving myself selflessly and unconditionally, just as I do for my children.
Is this journey easy? Absolutely not. Battling negativity is tough, especially living with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Often, I doubt the affirmations I give myself, but I persist. I hold my inner child close, ensuring she feels the affection and security she missed out on. Reparenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about fostering a sense of safety, confidence, and love.
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Summary
In this article, Jamie Lane shares her journey of learning to nurture her inner child after a traumatic upbringing. Through the process of reparenting, she emphasizes the importance of self-love and emotional healing, ultimately transforming negative thoughts into affirmations of worthiness and self-acceptance.
Keyphrase: reparenting your inner child
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