It’s Not Just a Pandemic Wall — It’s an Existential Crisis

pregnant woman sitting on bed in blue dress with coffee mugAt home insemination kit

We’ve all come across the term “pandemic wall.” There are countless memes and articles, not to mention the conversations we’ve had with therapists and friends. The idea is straightforward: we reach a point where we can’t push forward anymore; everything just comes to a halt, and we feel overwhelmed.

As writer Lila Foster noted in a popular article, “The pandemic wall appears at different moments for different people, but for many, it has hit hard in recent weeks.” The year 2020 was undeniably difficult, but January 1 offered little relief; it felt more like an extension of the previous year.

I can personally attest to encountering this so-called “pandemic wall” multiple times over the past year. Eventually, the wall transforms into something deeper. For me, it has led to a full-on pandemic existential crisis.

“As soon as 2021 arrived, it hit me: we’re still stuck in this,” shared Jamie Lewis, a 27-year-old marketing specialist. “I often wonder how much longer I can endure this. These are my lost years.”

Yes, the lost years. At some point, this struggle shifts from simply enduring to questioning our identities and life choices. Unlike hitting a wall during a marathon, there’s no clear finish line in sight. We’ve heard about the “light at the end of the tunnel” so many times that it feels more like an illusion—if it ever existed at all.

Most days, I manage to feel… okay? I get through work, tidy up after meals (my partner typically cooks), do laundry, text friends, and encourage my kids to finish their homework. I’m generally a happy and optimistic person. Yet, there are moments when the absurdity of this situation takes my breath away. Suddenly, I find myself doing something unexpected—like reorganizing the pantry at midnight or contemplating a move to Portugal.

As Lila Foster wisely pointed out, when approaching this wall, some people might turn to classic advice such as distraction, positive self-talk, or even indulging in comfort food. And when all else fails, just keep moving forward. However, that advice only applies if you’re still moving. At some point, the terrain has shifted so dramatically that we aren’t just jogging—we might be crawling or simply frozen in place, contemplating our next move. Sometimes, it’s better to pause, reassess, and change direction altogether.

That’s where I find myself now. Should I continue pushing forward or redefine my path entirely? Is this truly how life is now, indefinitely? Masks, virtual meetings, and endless nights at home? What even is happening? We seem to be living through a daily “everything’s fine” meme while internally screaming that this is not fine at all.

On some days, I genuinely struggle with my sense of self and purpose. I feel as though I’m caught in a chaotic whirlwind. There are days I crave the mundane interactions with strangers, and others when I desire complete solitude. Some days, I want to dive headfirst into my career, while on others, I fantasize about living a nomadic lifestyle.

A year into the pandemic, the reality is stark: there’s a fierce competition for vaccines, many refuse to wear masks, and new variants are threatening any progress made. This is a chaotic situation we’re all contending with. Yet, we often pretend everything is just… fine. But we’re screaming inside that this is NOT fine.

So, yes, I’m struggling—and if you’re being honest, you probably are too. It’s okay to admit this feeling. I recognize the privilege I have in even being able to express these frustrations. I’m fortunate to have a job, good health, and a safe home. But I also feel exhausted and confused, grappling with this pandemic existential crisis. I have no solutions to offer—just the reminder that you’re not alone. There’s no right or wrong way to feel right now, and sometimes, a little swearing can be a great coping mechanism.

For more engaging content, check out this post that dives deeper into navigating these challenging times. If you’re looking for support with home insemination, Make a Mom offers valuable resources. Additionally, Healthline is an excellent source for information on pregnancy and home insemination.

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Summary

The pandemic has created a profound existential crisis for many, where the struggles extend beyond mere fatigue to questioning our identities and life choices. While coping mechanisms like distraction and positive self-talk are often suggested, they may not be enough when the landscape has shifted so dramatically. It’s essential to acknowledge these feelings and understand that there’s no right or wrong way to cope. You’re not alone in this confusing and exhausting journey.

Keyphrase: pandemic existential crisis

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