I remember when my oldest hit fourteen; it felt like he went months without uttering a complete sentence to me. He would storm in from school, radiating frustration, and I could practically see the aura of annoyance surrounding him. It seemed that anything I said or did was a trigger for his irritation.
Gone were the days of family gatherings he once enjoyed; now, he barely spoke to anyone. Family outings became a challenge, as he was determined to make the experience miserable for everyone around him. To say he was a bundle of negativity would be an understatement—he embodied the very essence of gloom, dragging the whole family into his emotional pit.
I tried everything: therapy, his favorite snacks served on a silver platter, even silly antics to lift his spirits. But the truth was, he wanted to wallow in his moodiness. He preferred to sulk in his room, hoodie up, even when the weather was nice.
Looking back, I realize that he needed that time to process the whirlwind of emotions that came with puberty—a phase I learned to step back from. This wisdom came in handy when my second child began showing similar signs of teenage angst. She transformed from a sweet girl who wanted to dress like me to someone who seemed to want to distance herself entirely.
Having just navigated this with her older brother, I braced myself. But this time, I decided to take a different approach: I let her be. I didn’t push her to cheer up or constantly remind her of how much I missed our old interactions. I was simply too drained from trying to lift her brother’s spirits to go through that again. More importantly, I recognized that pressuring them only deepened their resistance.
Now, my youngest is in the thick of the teenage moodiness, and guess what? I’ve learned how to handle it. I won’t tolerate disrespect, but I understand the importance of giving them space while still being available for support. If you’re dealing with a moody teenager, I empathize with the frustration it brings. The urge to escape into another world has only intensified as they have grown older.
A friend recently expressed her worries about her teenage daughter’s persistent bad mood. She asked, “What’s going on? How long will it last?” While I’m no expert, it’s essential to discern whether your child is going through a typical hormonal phase or if they might need professional help—two of my children did seek therapy. Yet, even that didn’t magically revert them to their previous selves. Many teens simply need to process this stage of life. Let them.
The more I tried to engage with my kids during their dark moods, the more I pushed them away. I learned it was better to allow them to retreat to their rooms while knowing I was there for them, without the pressure to change. Venting to friends or partners is also vital—just make sure your kids don’t hear your frustrations.
And most importantly, trust that they will emerge from this phase. They will. It’s all about allowing them the time and space to do so on their terms. My oldest, for instance, now enjoys spending time with me and has become a great help around the house. My daughter, who once distanced herself, now shares laughs and TikTok videos with me, indicating that I’ve regained some of my cool factor.
As for my youngest, well, he’s 14 and believes everything I say is wrong. I barely see him since he prefers hiding in his room, but I’m confident this too shall pass. I’ve been through it before, and I know it will be worth the wait.
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In summary, navigating the emotional rollercoaster of a moody teenager can be overwhelming, but it’s crucial to grant them the space they need while remaining supportive. Trust the process; they will emerge from their funk in their own time.
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