Why It’s Problematic to Assume Your Child Is Straight

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As much as you might roll your eyes at your Uncle Joe’s infamous saying, “Assuming just makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’,” he has a point that rings true, particularly when it comes to our children’s sexuality.

To clarify, believing your child is straight can lead to more than just an awkward dinner moment. It can significantly hinder communication between you and your child and, if they identify differently, it can deeply wound them and erode their trust in you. Heteronormativity—the cultural belief that being cisgender and straight is the default—can manifest in subtle but damaging ways.

For instance, casually discussing your son’s “future wife” or advising your daughter on how to find a “good man” perpetuates the idea that straightness is the norm. This kind of dialogue can leave a child who is questioning their sexuality feeling uncomfortable and unseen. Heteronormative assumptions can also escalate into toxic stereotypes, such as joking about a boy being a “heartbreaker” or suggesting that a girl needs protection from boys. These narratives not only assume straightness but also imply troubling dynamics about relationships that can be harmful.

In a recent social media post, a mother humorously claimed, “My baby is gay!” while highlighting the absurdity of making assumptions about a child’s future sexuality. While her satire was lost on some, it effectively illustrated that making any assumptions about a child’s identity is misguided. Ironically, if she had expressed a desire to raise her child to “treat girls right,” she likely would have received praise, showcasing how ingrained the assumption of straightness is in our culture.

Consider the emotional landscape of two children aware of their queer identity but raised in different environments. In Household A, the parents privately express they’d be “okay” if their child were gay, but they rarely discuss it openly, operating under the assumption that their child is straight. In Household B, however, the parents actively celebrate queer identities, fostering an environment where their child can express interest in someone without the expectation of gender. This difference in assumptions creates vastly different experiences for the children when it comes to sharing their truths.

A well-known blogger recently shared her conditional love for her child, stating that while she would love them no matter what, she would feel obligated to share a religious perspective if they came out as gay. This approach can severely damage a child’s trust and make them feel unsafe about their identity.

Imagine a world where children don’t have to fear coming out. According to a 2017 Gallup poll, around 8.2% of millennials identify as LGBTQ+, suggesting that society is becoming more accepting. By consciously avoiding heteronormative assumptions, we can create a safer space for our kids to share their lives with us.

Even if you believe you are supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, it’s crucial not to assume your children are straight. This assumption can lead to unnecessary anxiety for kids who may be navigating their own identities and waiting for signs of acceptance from you. Make it clear from a young age that they will not only be accepted but celebrated, no matter who they choose to love.

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In summary, it’s crucial for parents to avoid making assumptions about their children’s sexual orientation. An open and accepting approach fosters trust and communication, allowing children to feel safe in expressing their true selves.

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