People often rave about the incredible transformations that come with turning 40. They say you develop a fearless, carefree attitude, gaining confidence while shedding worries. It sounds amazing, right? But to be honest, my experience in my 40s has been more of a rollercoaster—filled with confusion, emotional ups and downs, and some downright strange moments. However, the most valuable change I’ve embraced recently is learning to be kinder to myself and letting go of self-criticism.
At 43, I finally realized that cutting myself some slack is essential. This might seem like something that should have happened ages ago, but believe me, it was a monumental breakthrough for me. A few months back, I faced a humbling situation that left me feeling defeated. I won’t delve into the specifics, as they aren’t what matters most. Just know it was one of those scenarios you think only happens to others. When it happened to me, I was left reeling.
Initially, I spiraled into my usual pattern of self-blame and shame, feeling like a complete failure. But then something clicked—I was exhausted from constantly criticizing myself and expecting more from myself than I did from others. It was time to stop feeling bad about my human experiences.
Perhaps the pandemic has given me a fresh perspective on what really matters. Therapy and meditation have played a role as well. I’ve come to terms with the undeniable truth that life is both short and fragile. If life is that fleeting, I have no room to feel inadequate anymore.
While many discuss the carefree attitude that comes with being in your 40s, I never truly felt it until now. At 43, I’ve come to understand that a genuine “I don’t give a damn” attitude isn’t just about not worrying over wrinkles or gray hair. It’s about liberating myself from negative feelings and recognizing my humanity.
Since this realization, I’ve noticed a significant shift in myself. I find myself laughing more—both at my own missteps and in general. I take things less personally, and when I stumble, I strive to rectify it and then let it go. This is a huge development for someone like me who has always kept a mental list of every mistake I’ve made. I might forget what I had for breakfast yesterday, but I can recall every moment of embarrassment or regret from the past 40+ years.
Tearing up that list of grievances against myself has been the most liberating change in my 40s. It’s freeing to allow myself to be human without the burden of guilt. This doesn’t mean I get a free pass to be irresponsible; rather, it has opened the door for me to acknowledge my mistakes without defensiveness, enabling genuine growth. After all, we’re all learning. Expecting perfection from myself is absurd. Now, I view mistakes simply as that—mistakes. Without the weight of shame dragging me down, I have the emotional energy to move forward.
I still experience confusion and fear in my 40s, just like before. However, learning to be kinder to myself—offering forgiveness and love—has truly made this decade the best one yet. If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out this resource. For those looking for products, consider visiting Make a Mom.
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In summary, my 40s have been a journey of self-discovery, leading to a newfound ability to forgive and accept myself. This shift has transformed my life, making this decade the most rewarding yet.
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