When my twins were babies, every little sound they made sent me into a state of anxiety; each noise indicated a need, and I was utterly drained from attending to them, alongside my older child who was still in her toddler years. The worst moments came at night when the twins finally fell asleep, and I tried to catch some rest myself. Knowing they would wake up again within an hour filled me with dread. The agony of waking every hour or two until it was time to get up for work was almost unbearable. The anticipation of being jolted awake was as tormenting as the actual disruption. It took roughly a year before all three of my kids were likely to sleep through the night, but I still remember the disorienting, nauseating feeling of stumbling out of bed to tend to them.
Now, with the pandemic in full swing, those feelings have returned. This time, however, it’s not about sleep deprivation; it’s the incessant noise while they are awake that is driving me to the brink. The sounds of my children—happy or otherwise—are making me very stabby.
Like many parents, I’ve been with my kids almost constantly since March. I’m thankful for a responsible school district that has managed to provide part-time in-person learning. I can’t imagine being a parent without any breaks. However, it’s not the background noise of life happening around me that gets to me; I can tune that out like I did back in the pre-pandemic days when I occasionally worked from a coffee shop. What really stresses me out are the uncontrollable bursts of yelling, crying, squealing, and loud music.
I felt somewhat vindicated in my desire to silence my children when I discovered a scientific explanation for my reaction to their constant noise. Trevor Cox, an acoustics engineering professor, notes that our reactions to sounds can be learned, and a lack of control can heighten our irritation. “The most annoying sounds are those that interrupt whatever you’re trying to do.” With everyone working from home, a neighbor’s DIY drilling might just be the most irritating sound. The unpredictability of these noises, coupled with the unpredictability of life right now, leaves me perpetually on edge. I find myself more sensitive to sounds of traffic, airplanes, and snow plows. Even joyful noises can infuriate me if they are too abrupt or loud.
I am not the only one experiencing heightened annoyance. A casual poll I conducted on social media showed that many people are feeling particularly irritable about various sounds during this time.
Consider the sound of my children laughing while they play. It should be a joyful sound, but my brain instantly shouts, “SOMEONE IS ABOUT TO GET HURT AND START CRYING!” — Jenna from California.
The sounds of people chewing have always bothered me, but lately, it has become unbearable. — Mark from Ontario.
Since the pandemic, I crave silence because the house is always loud. The TV is constantly on, and there’s always someone talking. When I leave the house alone, I don’t even turn on the car radio. — Lisa from Pennsylvania.
My 9 and 10-year-olds seem to have reverted to toddler-like behavior, which means they are back to whining and the incessant “mommy, momMOM!” that hasn’t stopped in nearly a year. — Sarah from New York.
Many of us may already have a condition called misophonia, which triggers strong reactions to sounds made by others. (This can also be referred to as marriage, by the way.) Sounds like chewing or crinkling bags of chips can elicit these reactions because sound interacts with the auditory system in our brains, affecting the amygdala and hippocampus—regions that influence our emotions. The amygdala, in particular, is sensitive to crying or music. This explains why our emotional state determines what sounds we find most annoying and why our reactions to the same song can vary from day to day.
It’s clear that our collective emotional state is far from stable, but I was curious about which sounds exacerbate our irritation. My informal polling revealed that mouth sounds are particularly unbearable for many. Chewing, slurping, whistling, and even the sound of teeth on silverware can make us feel stabby. Repetitive sounds, like pen clicking or a ticking clock, can also drive us mad. Interestingly, some friends expressed strong aversions to the sound of coins rubbing together or styrofoam touching itself, which they find nauseating.
David from Michigan shared, “Styrofoam rubbing against itself is not just annoying; it’s intolerable, much like nails on a chalkboard.”
A fun fact: the sound of vomiting triggers a visceral response because the initial step in our auditory process is located near the brain’s disgust center. This mechanism helps keep us away from toxins. While I wouldn’t label my children or partner as toxic, it seems our bodies react to their sounds as if we’re trying to expel them from our presence.
The noise pollution has drained my creativity, patience, and desire for social interaction. Knowing I’m not alone in this struggle helps ease my guilt. Plus, scientific insights lend credibility to my strong reactions to sound. I’m working on not being outwardly grumpy, but as Amy G. from Vermont aptly put it: “Our poor families can’t eat, breathe, or even enjoy hobbies without driving us insane.”
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