You know how annoying inebriated individuals can be, especially when you’re the only sober one in the room? Parenting feels remarkably similar. Whether you’re childless and have lost all tolerance for kids or you’re a parent trying to manage your own little chaos-makers, it’s like being the designated driver among a group of rowdy friends.
While some parents might find solace in a drink while watching their kids launch themselves off furniture, I’m in my third year of recovery. Before my relationship with alcohol spiraled into a toxic mess, I enjoyed some of the best experiences that prepared me for the wild ride of parenting. Having played rugby for a decade, I can confidently say that raising kids feels just like living with those spirited, tipsy teammates— and I mean that sincerely.
The Constant Clamor
Both my children and those exuberant rugby players are loud, cheerful, and always bursting into song—until a sudden tearful outburst disrupts the fun. Rugby comes with its own set of raucous tunes, similar to the camp songs of childhood, but with a lot more swearing. Kids, on the other hand, have their own playlist thanks to Alexa, which can also feature tunes with explicit content. The musical backdrop never fades, and as voices rise in excitement or distress, the volume just gets louder. When drama unfolds, it’s often unclear whether it’s an emotional or physical reaction. In any case, the best remedy is usually a snack and some water, and things carry on until bedtime when the music finally stops.
The Wild Antics
I’ve spent countless Saturdays honing my skills in a post-match game called Butt Quarters at dive bars. The object is to balance a quarter between your cheeks and walk it across the bar to drop it into a pint of beer. After drinking that pint, you repeat the cycle. It’s a fun relay that hilariously contradicts my attempts to keep my kids from putting their hands where they shouldn’t.
Once, at a playgroup in an old church, my toddler twins discovered Goldfish crackers on the floor and began munching away. One parent was horrified when she saw me inspect the snacks and let them eat. The crackers were dry and clean! Most rugby players have downed beers from dirty cleats or even buckets of beer poured over someone’s backside. Trust me, those Goldfish were perfectly fine, just like the $7 hotdog I once cleaned off and handed back to my child after it hit the ground at a rest stop in upstate New York.
The Messy Reality
In my rugby days, I always carried extra toilet paper and plastic bags because you never know when nature calls. I also had spare underwear for those inevitable accidents. These days, my diaper bag is stocked with wipes instead of toilet paper, but my kids still have urgent bathroom needs when there’s no restroom in sight. It’s hard to tell where the line between rugby players and kids truly lies when you consider the bodily fluids involved—snot, blood, spit, vomit, and mysterious puddles all seem to blend together.
The Diverse Personalities
Managing a rugby team of 15-30 players taught me how to navigate various personalities, which is invaluable in parenting. Some teammates would crumble under a hint of criticism, while others preferred unfiltered honesty. Some players thrived on being given choices, while others acted on their whims. My pediatrician often reminds me that some kids just come with more challenges than others. Though I’m still figuring it out, I’m learning to adapt my approach based on my children’s unique personalities, especially in social settings. My competitive 10-year-old doesn’t end up in the sin bin, but she certainly faces consequences like being barred from board games for being a sore loser.
The Road Trip Chronicles
Road trips with rugby players have prepared me for just about any scenario when traveling with kids. Nobody’s ever on time because someone forgot their comfort item, and complaints about temperature are a given. Snacks, drinks, and bathroom breaks are a constant cycle; just like with rugby players, where stops often mean detours to liquor stores. Disagreements over music and resurfacing old grievances are par for the course. While the mess and odors can be overwhelming, the most important part is arriving safely, which makes the journey a success.
As I observe my child launching herself onto the couch while another fires Nerf darts, and my third child spins on her hoverboard, I can’t help but feel nostalgic for the chaotic fun of my rugby days. Play rugby, they said. Have kids, they said. Little did I know how strikingly similar the two experiences would be.
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Summary
Living with kids can feel like managing a group of rowdy rugby players. The loudness, unexpected chaos, and messy moments are strikingly similar. Both require patience and adaptability, whether you’re navigating emotional outbursts or dealing with physical antics. Through the experiences of rugby, the lessons learned are invaluable in parenting, making each moment a mix of joy and laughter.
Keyphrase: Parenting like rugby
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