As mothers, holding onto regrets can be one of the most detrimental things we do to ourselves. We all have our moments of doubt and mistakes, especially when navigating the early stages of parenthood. Take my first child, for example. He was my experimental little one, the “first pancake” of parenting—imperfectly cooked because I was still figuring out the griddle. If I could rewind time, there’s a long list of things I would change about how I approached parenting him. Yet, I try not to dwell too much on those regrets; he’s now 12 and turning out to be a remarkable person, which reassures me I’ve done some things right.
One thing I truly wish I could revisit is trusting my instincts regarding breastfeeding and sleep training. I remember vividly visiting the pediatrician when he was around four months old, overwhelmed with advice and eager to please. I hung on every word from the medical staff, hoping for guidance in my new role as a mom.
During that visit, I admitted he wasn’t sleeping through the night and that I often nursed him back to sleep. The response was a stern disapproval, along with a lecture on the importance of putting babies to bed awake so they could learn to self-soothe. That advice left me feeling defeated. I had fought hard to establish breastfeeding, and now I was expected to change our routine? Despite my instincts telling me otherwise, I followed the doctor’s orders, convinced that was the path to being a good mother.
This rigid approach led to a failed sleep training process. My son didn’t sleep through the night until he was over a year old, and I often felt anxious and frustrated. I can’t help but wonder if adhering strictly to expert advice hindered our bond.
By the time my second and third children arrived, my perspective had shifted significantly. I became much more relaxed about breastfeeding and sleep. My third child, in particular, thrived with a more flexible routine. Instead of adhering to strict schedules, I let him fall asleep at the breast, and he continued to nurse during the night until he was well over a year old.
Even when I heard the familiar fussing during the night, I learned to tune out the judgmental voice in my head. I realized that a few extra minutes of nursing meant more sleep for both of us—a far better solution than letting him cry. By the time my third baby came along, I had discarded the rigid feeding schedules that had once consumed me. I often joked that he ate primarily in the car. He became the happiest and most independent of my children, likely because I had learned to relax and embrace the moments of connection.
Looking back, I don’t harbor any ill feelings towards that pediatrician; she was likely trying to help. However, a conversation about the importance of bonding and the uniqueness of each baby would have been far more beneficial than merely setting strict expectations.
Not every mom feels pressured to follow the same rules. Some are eager to have their nights back and prefer to lay their babies down awake. But there are also many who find joy in nursing their babies to sleep, knowing that these fleeting moments are precious.
In hindsight, I wish someone had emphasized the significance of nurturing and bonding rather than dictating rigid timelines. La Leche League International notes that many babies still require parental comfort at night well into their first year, and breastfeeding is one of the safest and most effective ways to provide that comfort. Additionally, breastfeeding at night can help maintain a mother’s milk supply and promote emotional health for the baby.
Ultimately, when I finished that part of my breastfeeding journey with my third child, I felt a mix of sadness and readiness. I had provided him with the security he needed, and I have no regrets about nursing him to sleep as long as we both desired.
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In summary, the idea that nursing babies to sleep is a bad habit needs to be reconsidered. Every child is different, and what works for one family may not work for another. Rather than adhering to strict guidelines, mothers should be encouraged to trust their instincts and focus on building a nurturing bond with their babies.
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