Dear Children,
Let’s get straight to the point: I am officially over doing the dishes every single day. It’s an endless cycle, much like Sisyphus pushing that boulder uphill—just when I think I’ve conquered one load, another pops up, often with remnants of meals, snacks, and the occasional slime project in between. It feels like I’m forever working against the clock, and frankly, I’m done.
More often than not, I find dirty dishes strewn across the kitchen table, left to solidify on the counter or precariously perched on the windowsill behind the couch—yes, I’m talking about the bowl you abandoned after devouring popcorn while binge-watching yet another superhero movie. And now, surprise surprise, we’ve got ants. Fantastic.
Now, I know I’m quite the expert when it comes to washing dishes—whether it’s pots, pans, or those charming mugs adorned with your little handprints from years past. I’ve mastered the art of the sponge, expertly switching sides depending on the grime levels, and I know the precise amount of soap to use. I am conscientious about water usage, never letting the tap run carelessly, especially as a drought-aware Californian.
I load the dishwasher with the precision of a master puzzle solver, making sure to utilize every inch of space effectively. I refuse to run it unless it’s completely full—wasting water is not on my agenda.
It’s true that I have high standards when it comes to cleanliness, and I can see how that may feel daunting to you. If dishwashing were an Olympic sport, I’d be standing on the podium with a gold medal. But that doesn’t mean you’re exempt from this responsibility.
Honestly, I’m prepared to overlook your rookie mistakes if you would just do the dishes regularly—without the eye-rolling, complaining, and half-hearted excuses I often hear. I’m not helping you by constantly cleaning up after you, especially now that you all can handle it. One of you is 15 and studying complex topics like the orbital mechanics of exoplanets; surely, you can manage to clear the table and sort the dishes.
And you, my dear middle schooler, I know balancing social plans can be exhausting, but don’t tell me you’re “too tired” to pitch in. Wait until you reach my age, where exhaustion takes on a whole new meaning—trust me, I’m the one who deserves a break.
Even you, my little five-year-old, can manage to carry your plate to the sink. Not tall enough to reach the faucet? That’s what the well-worn Mickey Mouse step stool is for—use it for washing up just like you do when raiding the pantry for treats.
I get it; I’m a bit of a neat freak, and I can’t stand leaving dishes unattended for too long. But when I say “do the dishes now,” it means right this moment—not after you finish scrolling through your social media or watching yet another episode of your favorite show.
I know you sometimes wait for me to cave in and do it myself, but I’m done with that. This new phase of parenting is all about you gaining the satisfaction of taking care of your responsibilities. Remember, I’m not asking for perfection—just a little effort.
Oh, and about my wine glass—yes, you’ll need to use extra soap. That lip gloss can be tricky to scrub off.
This article is a call to action for all of you. It’s time to step up and do your own dishes. Trust me, you’ll feel great about it.
For more insights on family dynamics and parenting, check out this article on at-home insemination kits, or delve into the world of IVF and fertility preservation for a deeper understanding of family planning.
In summary, I’m handing over the dish duty to you. Embrace this new responsibility and channel your inner dishwashing champion.