I’ve never pretended to have an orgasm. This isn’t a point of pride; it’s simply that I never felt the need to fake it. In my college years and throughout my twenties, I assumed that men reached climax every time while women only did so under a very specific set of conditions: it had to be the right day in their menstrual cycle, the chores had to be finished, the bills settled, the sheets fresh, and their bodies perfectly groomed. The temperature had to be just right, and no cats could be watching with their piercing gazes. Oh, and the woman had to manage an orgasm in under five minutes. Vaginas just seemed to be dealt a rough hand, right? But you know what? Faking it never crossed my mind. It was easier to blame my uncooperative body and move on. (By the way, I later discovered I’m queer, and both my body and partner are wonderfully in sync.)
I’ve heard of women faking orgasms, especially in typical heterosexual relationships. Reasons for this range from not wanting to hurt a partner’s feelings to just wanting to wrap things up quickly or feeling like their body is malfunctioning. It’s disheartening. We should never feel the need to fake orgasms. I could delve into my frustration with toxic masculinity, which fosters a culture where women sacrifice their pleasure and feel the need to lie about it. However, the issue runs deeper than that. Women aren’t merely shielding fragile male egos; they are labeling themselves as defective. They assume their sexual satisfaction isn’t even worth pursuing.
Let’s make a commitment, shall we? For all who have vaginas, regardless of gender identity, let’s agree: never fake an orgasm for anyone or any reason.
Faking an orgasm not only robs you of your pleasure but also misleads your partner about what truly satisfies you. Beyond that, pop culture perpetuates the idea that women should climax quickly. Whether in porn, novels, or romantic films, women often seem to reach orgasm almost instantly. I understand that shows like “Bridgerton” don’t have the time to illustrate the whole build-up leading to a character’s climactic moment, but must it really appear as if she orgasms within the first 15 seconds? She just discovered her clitoris a few days ago! Faking orgasms only adds to these unrealistic expectations.
We often assume men’s egos can’t handle being told they didn’t help their partner reach climax. The expectations surrounding men’s sexual experiences (like always achieving orgasm) and their ability to handle honest feedback (which isn’t much) are ludicrous. Two things here: first, if you’re with a man who can’t handle constructive criticism, dump him. Second, if he’s not that fragile, he likely cares about your pleasure. So, don’t mislead him by pretending you’re satisfied when you aren’t. That’s unfair and contributes to the misunderstanding of what it takes to please a vagina.
Never deny yourself pleasure due to feelings of inadequacy or being “broken.” While medical conditions and medications can affect orgasm, if you simply take time to warm up, that’s completely valid. You’re not flawed. If penetration doesn’t lead to orgasm, that’s incredibly common. A study from the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that only 18% of women orgasm from penetration alone. You are unique and deserve the time and attention needed to explore your pleasure.
Each vagina is different, with its own preferences and pace for reaching climax. Factors like mood, partner dynamics, or even environmental conditions can shift how the experience unfolds. But a “picky” vagina is not less deserving of pleasure. It’s perfectly okay to say, “I enjoyed this, but I’m not going to orgasm today,” and stop. No faking required. If your partner can’t handle this, it’s time to move on.
We need to cultivate awareness about our bodies. I’m not against the portrayal of quick orgasms in media, but we should also educate ourselves about how vaginas function. Those with penises shouldn’t operate under misconceptions about vaginas, and those of us with vaginas shouldn’t either. Understanding that there’s a wide range of what’s considered “normal” can help remove the stigma around not orgasming.
Vaginas are beautiful in all their intricate, unhurried complexity. They are just as wondrous whether they orgasm or not; equally deserving, regardless of whether it happens in five minutes or 45. There’s no need to fabricate experiences.
If you want to explore more about the journey to parenthood, check out this other blog post. Also, for those interested in enhancing fertility, consider visiting Make A Mom for valuable insights. And for further reading on pregnancy and home insemination, ACOG provides excellent resources.
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Summary:
Women should never feel pressured to fake orgasms, as this not only diminishes their own pleasure but also misleads their partners. Societal expectations and toxic masculinity contribute to a culture that prioritizes male satisfaction over female enjoyment. Each vagina is unique, deserving of time and attention. Understanding that orgasm is not a universal experience can help dismantle stigmas and promote healthier sexual relationships.
Keyphrase: Never Fake Orgasms
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