Let me introduce you to an old companion. Or, rather, an adversary wearing a friendly mask.
Her name was Mia. The first time we crossed paths, this is what she whispered to me:
“Be cautious. The world can be cold and unkind. Your kindness and warmth may be met with indifference or, worse, cruelty. People will tear your spirit apart without a second thought, leaving you feeling isolated and unwanted. You may feel like you don’t belong, like you’re invisible. You may even wonder if you matter.
You won’t be loved. Not as you are. Because let’s be honest, you don’t measure up. Have you taken a good look in the mirror recently? It’s no wonder J stopped reaching out and vanished. It’s no surprise P didn’t want to call you his girlfriend and chose to betray your trust. It’s no mystery why A lied and only sought to use you. It’s no wonder you weren’t invited to those gatherings. It’s no wonder you only hear from others when they want something.
What’s the common thread in all these experiences? You — there’s something inherently wrong with you.
But don’t lose hope — I have a solution! I know just the thing: the glittering allure of beauty. Once you attain it, nothing and no one will harm you; you will feel invincible. You will be cloaked in glamour, charm, and infinite grace. Everything will fall into place. You will exist in a golden world, and everyone will adore you. I will adore you.”
She spoke such seductive words. And I, foolishly, believed every one of them. If it meant avoiding the pain of rejection and heartache, I was willing to endure the physical agony of hunger, the very demand Mia made of me.
It felt good. Really, really good. Because being so thin led me to believe I was worth more than I had thought. But my relationship with anorexia was akin to a dance with the devil. It was like a drug — the more I partook, the more it stripped away. No matter how much weight I lost or how little I consumed, my friend Mia couldn’t fill the gaping void inside me.
Strangely enough, nothing else in my life changed except for my own perception. Sure, I received more compliments on my appearance (though those vanished once I didn’t look as good). But I wasn’t treated like royalty. I didn’t suddenly attract love or attention. I still felt invisible, perhaps even more so.
Here’s the truth: even when I resembled a model, I was still ghosted, gaslighted, and “zombied” (a new dating trend, apparently). Friends I thought I could rely on still let me down. Relationships faded because others weren’t willing to invest as much time and energy as I was.
What I learned was that Mia’s claims about my inadequacies were nothing but lies. The issue had never been mine to own. I was punishing myself unnecessarily.
The intricacies of my journey through my eating disorder are too vast to encapsulate in one article. This is merely one brushstroke in a much larger painting. But I will say this: be wary of believing that your peace lies in something external. Sometimes it’s an eating disorder; sometimes it’s a substance; sometimes it’s a person.
You might think it will provide everything you long for, but whatever it offers, it will demand even more in return.
The reality is that everyone carries their own burdens and unresolved pain. As Lori Gottlieb notes, “People act a certain way to keep you at a distance so you can’t see their suffering.”
Our past experiences shape our view of the world, and individuals react differently based on those perceptions. How others treat you is more about them than about you. We’re all just trying to navigate the beautiful chaos of life.
What I’ve realized is that the guy who ghosts you isn’t suddenly going to think, “She has a perfect body, so I’ll stay.” His views on commitment won’t shift just because you have a smaller waist.
Conversely, the person who genuinely loves you will not abandon you in your time of need simply because of a few extra pounds or stretch marks. He won’t seek affection elsewhere because your body isn’t flawless. He will stand by you, regardless of your weight or what you eat.
You must cultivate your strength from within, not from the external. No one else can provide that for you — not a friend, a lover, or even family. Ultimately, what truly matters is what you believe about yourself when you are alone. This body is your only vessel. It has carried you through life, allowing you to experience the warmth of the sun, the thrill of love, and the joy of delicious food.
If you don’t care for this body, who will? Protect it, for it holds all the love and tenderness you can offer the world. It contains your brightest ideas and the memories of those who have cared for you, which can lift your spirit just by recalling them.
Our bodies are made of stardust, destined to return to dust. But what resides within you, the essence of who you are, is something infinitely more magical. It transcends the superficiality of external beauty. It has the power to do so much — if only you promise to nurture it.
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Summary:
This letter serves as a reminder that external beauty does not equate to self-worth. It emphasizes the importance of inner strength and self-acceptance, encouraging individuals to seek love and validation from within rather than from societal standards. The journey through body image struggles reveals that relationships and self-worth are deeply intertwined with personal perceptions, not dictated by appearance.
Keyphrase: Overcoming body image issues
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