Recently, I had a bit of a meltdown. My son thought it was a great idea to leave a small plate of steak in his room for three days. Yes, steak. Just sitting there at room temperature.
I had warned him not to bring it up to his room, fearing that maggots would soon appear on the perfectly cooked meat. And to top it off, if he had stored it properly in the fridge, I could have enjoyed the leftovers.
Turns out I was right. That incident spiraled into a conversation about how he’s been neglecting his chores. I’m tired of having to remind him that the trash is overflowing—especially when he delicately places his fruit cup container right on top of the mess.
After I vented, I followed up with my usual, “I apologize for raising my voice, but I really need you to be more mindful and please, no more steak in your room! And remember, I love you dearly.”
Lessons from My Childhood
Growing up, when my dad was upset, he would give my family the silent treatment after yelling. He’d stay angry for days. If I did something wrong, like getting poor grades, he would hold it against me. I remember my junior year when my test scores were terrible. Instead of understanding, he scolded me, saying, “How does it feel to be at the bottom of your class?” He made it clear that college was a far-fetched dream for me.
One crucial lesson I want to impart to my kids is this: just because I’m angry, disappointed, or upset about their actions, I will never toss up my hands and give up on them. Who would want to live under such scrutiny?
Understanding Mistakes
I want them to grow up understanding that it’s normal to make mistakes and have disagreements. I want them to witness me getting upset, but then moving forward so that they never feel afraid to come to me about anything, fearing that I might abandon them.
I’ve caught my teenagers engaging in behaviors that worry me. My son once crashed his car while speeding, with kids in the vehicle and his license still restricted. There have been moments when I doubted he would pass his classes. My youngest once took a picture of his teacher during a Zoom session and shared it with all his friends on Snapchat.
They frustrate me. They let me down. They make choices I wish they wouldn’t. But if I were to give up on them or stop believing they could change for the better after making mistakes, what kind of message would that send?
When children feel that their parents don’t see their potential, they start to lose sight of their own worth. If they believe their parents won’t stick by them through tough times, where else will they turn?
Unwavering Love and Support
I want them to know that even when I’m upset—whether due to a small issue like spoiled steak or a major concern like smoking pot during a sleepover—they have my unwavering love and support. I’m not going anywhere.
I can demonstrate this by imposing appropriate consequences while also reminding them of my expectations. It’s important to do this without making them feel that they have to be flawless, as that only leads to secrecy and a lack of self-belief.
It’s okay to argue and feel angry, but we can always come back together with love and understanding. I want them to realize that’s how healthy relationships function: things can get messy, but we can always return to each other with hope.
Further Reading
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In summary, as a parent, it’s essential to show unconditional love and support to your teenagers, even when emotions run high. By fostering an environment where mistakes are acknowledged but not condemned, we help our children grow into confident individuals who feel secure in their relationship with us.
Keyphrase: Unconditional love in parenting
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