Parenting
By Jordan Smith
Updated: Jan. 23, 2021
Originally Published: Jan. 23, 2021
In our household, we prioritize honesty and directness in our communication with our kids. We address their behaviors when they may hurt others or suggest alternatives for their actions. However, we make it a point not to belittle them. We refrain from using criticism that could diminish their self-worth or leave lasting emotional scars into adulthood. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that the way we communicate with our children profoundly impacts their development. The words we choose, the way we offer praise, and how we correct them all carry weight. Our approach is crucial.
We don’t have to be the negative voice that echoes in our kids’ minds as they grow into adulthood, perpetuating that cycle of self-doubt. We’ve all experienced it, haven’t we? That voice from our own childhood — perhaps a remark from a parent or guardian that lingers on, such as “That outfit looks terrible,” “You’re so selfish,” or “You can’t wear that.” Ultimately, our primary duty as parents is to ensure our children feel safe and secure, which includes being mindful of our language.
We can also learn from each other, even when sharing the same roof. There are days when I feel overwhelmed, especially when handling the cooking, remote schooling, and driving to after-school activities — and I occasionally lose my patience. When my words slip into insensitive territory, I realize that they cannot be taken back. However, when I observe my partner calmly managing a situation with our daughter, I can gain insights to enhance my parenting skills.
The words that come from my partner often frame her messages positively. For instance, when speaking to our sensitive daughter, Mia, she might say, “Mia, your hair is lovely just the way it is. No one’s hair is perfect all the time.”
It pains us as parents to witness our children engage in negative self-talk. When they fail to achieve a goal, they might say things like, “What I did was dumb,” “Nobody likes me,” or “I can’t do that.” We must equip our children with the skills to transform negative self-talk into positive affirmations.
It begins with us. We are the leaders of our parenting journey and must guide it wisely. Striking a balance between over-praising and being overly critical is essential. Once we address our own self-talk, we become better equipped to commend and reframe situations for our children. We understand that parenting is largely a matter of trial and error. While there are resources available, such as books and therapists, the daily emotional dynamics within our homes require us to take responsibility for our words.
Let’s own our actions, rise to the occasion, and nurture our children with uplifting language and reactions.
Ultimately, it’s also important to consider how we talk to ourselves. The negative self-talk that prevents us from enhancing our emotional intelligence can also be the same negativity we inadvertently project onto our children. By changing our internal dialogues, we may also positively influence what we communicate to our kids. For further insights, check out this blog post, and for those looking for fertility resources, this page is very informative. Additionally, Hopkins Medicine offers excellent resources regarding pregnancy and home insemination.
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Summary:
Effective communication with children is vital for their emotional development. Parents should strive to avoid negative language that could harm their children’s self-esteem. By promoting positive self-talk and learning from one another, parents can create a supportive environment that fosters self-acceptance and resilience.
Keyphrase: Avoiding Negative Self-Talk in Parenting
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