Over the years, I’ve faced numerous health challenges, including a near-fatal episode in the ER due to insufficient insulin and the subsequent diagnosis of type 1 diabetes. At thirty-five, I also battled breast cancer. Managing these conditions was already overwhelming, with constant doctor visits, needle pricks, and anxiety weighing heavily on me.
What made this journey even harder was the toxic positivity I encountered from those around me. I often share my experiences to help others, but doing so sometimes resulted in dismissive comments when I expressed my struggles. For instance, when I voiced my fatigue, I was often met with phrases like, “Just think positively!” or “You can handle this!” Such toxic positivity only added to my burdens as someone dealing with serious health issues. While your experiences may differ, you might have also faced the pressure of being told to “stay strong” or “look on the bright side.”
This pattern has followed me throughout my life. My anxiety, which has been a part of me for as long as I can remember, was often dismissed by adults who told me to “calm down” or “stop worrying.” Such responses only intensified my feelings of anxiety, as I grappled not only with my own fears but also with others’ expectations about how I should manage them. This cycle of pressure and anxiety built upon itself, leading to an even greater emotional toll.
When I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, well-meaning individuals frequently reminded me to be grateful for my life, suggesting that my condition would eventually be cured and that I was strong enough to deal with it. But these comments did nothing to alleviate my feelings of confusion, anger, and fear. Instead, they trivialized my feelings, making me question why expressing my emotions felt like a burden to others.
Then came the diagnosis of breast cancer. People told me how strong I was and urged me to keep fighting. While I understood their intentions were supportive, it felt like I was being pressured to perform a role that didn’t resonate with my reality. I was battling cancer, and the last thing I needed was to feel obligated to wear a smile or maintain a positive facade. One friend’s humorous remark, “Breasts are overrated,” stands out as a moment of genuine connection amidst the struggle.
Toxic positivity fosters a culture where authenticity is undervalued. We often sidestep empathy in favor of a forced cheerful demeanor. When someone asks how we are, the default response tends to be, “I’m fine. You?” even when we are struggling inside. While we don’t need to share our deepest feelings with every acquaintance, living under the pretense of being “okay” can be exhausting. It’s crucial to find those who can genuinely accept our feelings without judgment, which is why many of us seek therapy.
I recall attending a friend’s husband’s funeral and struggling with what to say. I avoided the clichés like “He’s in a better place” or “It was God’s will.” Instead, I offered a simple embrace and said, “This is really tough.” Acknowledging her pain felt far more genuine than trying to gloss over it.
Why do we feel compelled to diminish others’ feelings? From my experience, addressing emotions directly is far healthier than avoidance. Ignoring our traumas only allows them to resurface later in more disruptive ways.
I’ve learned that those who confront their emotions head-on are often better equipped to support others facing their struggles. By embracing vulnerability and acknowledging life’s ups and downs, we become more compassionate friends, partners, and colleagues. We can share in both joy and sorrow without feeling the need to sugarcoat reality.
Ultimately, we all desire to be heard and supported. We don’t want our feelings invalidated. Phrases like “Tell me more” or “That sounds really hard” create a space where we feel valued. Those who offer this kind of support are truly brave, prioritizing our emotional needs over their discomfort.
In our most challenging moments, we often don’t want to seek out silver linings. Overlooking our true emotions means ignoring our intuition, which is never advisable. While feelings can be fleeting, some linger and deserve our attention. If our circle lacks the supportive energy we need, it may be time to establish boundaries.
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Summary
Toxic positivity can hinder genuine emotional expression, making it difficult for individuals to navigate their struggles openly. It’s important to find supportive people who validate our feelings rather than dismiss them. Embracing vulnerability and authenticity not only helps us process our emotions but also strengthens our connections with others. By prioritizing empathetic communication, we can create a more supportive environment for everyone involved.
Keyphrase: Toxic Positivity
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