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Parenting
By Emma Johnson
Updated: May 17, 2021
Originally Published: Jan. 22, 2021
Children often enjoy engaging in playful activities like chasing and tickling each other. They might even have their own little wrestling matches, complete with flailing arms and legs as they twist one another into headlocks, reminiscent of a wrestling match on TV. While this can be amusing and entertaining, it’s natural for parents to worry about whether these roughhousing antics are healthy and safe. You may feel compelled to intervene and encourage them to play more “nicely.” So, what’s the scoop on this kind of play? Is it sibling rivalry in disguise? What if it’s with a friend? Should you allow it?
There’s been some discussion around the appropriateness of play fighting for children, but rough-and-tumble play is generally not seen as actual fighting. In fact, this type of play is often perceived as enjoyable by children and can even boost their social development. However, we understand that as a concerned parent, you may need guidance in distinguishing between playful antics and problematic behavior. Keep reading for more insights.
What is Play Fighting?
Play fighting, often referred to as rough-and-tumble play, encompasses physical, energetic activities like chasing and wrestling. It’s characterized by positive emotions—think laughter and smiles—among the children involved. Typically beginning in preschool and continuing into early adolescence, rough play is a way for kids to engage with each other. While it might appear aggressive to an adult, children usually understand the boundaries between fun and aggression in their play. Parents can also join in! Just ask any parent who can’t resist a little wrestling match with their kids in the living room.
What Are the Benefits of Play Fighting?
You may wonder how chasing, screaming, or wrestling can contribute to your child’s social development. Dr. Alex Rivers, a play researcher and founder of the Institute for Play Studies, suggests that engaging in rough-and-tumble play can actually reduce violent behavior and foster important skills throughout life.
Research indicates that play fighting helps children improve their social interactions by enhancing their ability to read body language and communicate effectively. It also aids in independent problem-solving and self-correction. For instance, when the play becomes too rough, they learn to recognize acceptable behavior. This kind of play encourages empathy when one child realizes another has been hurt or upset.
Children also learn about social boundaries, labeling characters as “heroes” or “villains,” and gain confidence and a sense of control over their actions. Additionally, rough play serves as excellent physical exercise, helping kids expend energy and tire themselves out after a game of chase!
What Are the Risks of Play Fighting?
Of course, any activity involving close physical contact comes with risks. The primary concerns include the potential for children to develop inappropriate reactions to aggression and the risk of play fighting escalating into actual violence. That’s why it’s crucial for parents to discern between playful roughhousing and real fighting.
Signs that play fighting is healthy include laughter and smiles from all participants. If your child is tickling their sibling and everyone is having fun, chances are it’s just play. Other indicators include:
- All children are willingly participating and are on equal footing; in real fighting, one child often dominates.
- The intent of play fighting is to have fun; if no one is laughing or it feels harmful, that’s a red flag.
- Kids display relaxed and comfortable body language during rough play. In contrast, real fighting usually shows stress and anger.
- Children will eagerly return for more play if it’s fun; if they’re trying to escape, it’s likely not playful.
Examples of Play Fighting
So, what does play fighting typically look like? Common forms of rough play include:
- Tackling and wrestling
- Chasing each other
- Tickling
- Using toy weapons or engaging in mock battles
- Mimicking fight scenes from their favorite shows or movies
While parents may find play fighting nerve-wracking, the key takeaway is that it’s often less dangerous than it seems. Before jumping in to stop a wrestling match, listen for laughter and consider the developmental benefits of roughhousing.
What is Rough and Tumble Play?
Rough and tumble play extends beyond just fighting. It includes rolling around, climbing over each other, and engaging in energetic activities like jumping and swinging. During this type of play, children learn about their physical capabilities and establish their own boundaries while understanding those of others.
How to Manage Kids’ Fighting
While play fighting is a normal part of development, it can sometimes escalate. Here are some strategies to help your children manage their aggression:
- Model Positive Behavior: Show your child effective problem-solving skills and avoid confrontational behavior.
- Encourage Collaboration: If your children frequently argue, give them opportunities to work together on projects they enjoy, like cooking or crafting.
- Facilitate Communication: After breaking up a squabble, encourage them to discuss what happened and how they can resolve it together. This promotes communication skills.
- Individual Attention: Spend one-on-one time with each child to understand their feelings and frustrations, which can help prevent conflicts.
This article was originally published on Jan. 22, 2021.