It finally came out during a conversation with my partner, Alex, just a few nights ago. We had just wrapped up a session of intimacy, which, for us, typically means he reaches his climax, and then I spend what feels like an eternity with my trusty vibrators before I can find some semblance of satisfaction. Often, he’ll lie next to me, engrossed in a book, and occasionally ask, “Do you want me to help?” I usually decline. That evening, I flopped onto the bed, feeling a mix of exhaustion and frustration.
“Did it work?” he inquired.
“Yeah,” I replied. “But honestly, it wasn’t worth it.”
He looked at me incredulously, as if I were joking.
“Listen,” I said, “the intimacy was great. We did it just the way I like, and I truly appreciate that. But the reality is, I rarely reach orgasm without my vibrator. It takes me at least an hour, and by the time I do, it just doesn’t feel rewarding. It’s exhausting, and it doesn’t feel worth it. So, if you ever wonder why our sex life isn’t as vibrant as it could be, that’s the reason. It’s not about you.”
Then, I walked to the bathroom, feeling a mix of relief and disappointment.
The Challenges of Intimacy
I take medication, specifically an SSRI for depression, which makes achieving orgasm a monumental task. Unlike many women, this medication doesn’t diminish my desire for sex. So, I slip into something alluring and hop into bed, ready for some action.
We enjoy plenty of foreplay, and I never blame Alex for my struggles. He’s attentive and open to my requests, whether it’s trying out different positions or indulging in some dirty talk. After he finishes, it’s my turn.
I often tell him no when he offers to help, worried he’ll tire out and feel guilty, so I tackle it myself. Sometimes he stays, reading beside me, while I furiously work away with my vibrator.
There are times when the batteries die, forcing me to switch to another one. Sure, it feels good, but after a while, I’m left wondering how long I’ve been at it. I get close to finishing, only to falter at the last moment. And when I finally do reach that elusive peak, it’s nothing like the fireworks I hope for. The best orgasm should feel like a grand finale, but it barely compares to the effort put in.
Choosing Sleep Over Frustration
Some nights, I simply skip the effort altogether. It’s not worth my time, and I’d rather drift off into sleep than spend an hour chasing an elusive orgasm. I often ask Alex to retrieve my pajamas, as I’ve tossed aside my sexy attire during the heat of the moment.
After using the bathroom, I’m left feeling restless, unable to sleep because of that annoying tension of needing to release. I feel frustrated, longing for the days when it was easy to reach climax. I miss the joy of drifting off after a satisfying night of intimacy. Now, it feels like a chore, and I resent it. I hate that this affects both of us; I can see the confusion in Alex’s eyes, even if he doesn’t admit to feeling inadequate.
It’s not Alex’s fault. It’s just the way my brain is wired, and there’s not much I can do to change that.
The Lack of Medical Solutions
Men have Viagra. Can’t get aroused at seventy? There’s a solution. I’ve heard whispers that it can help women too, but my brief attempt to try a friend’s medication didn’t yield any results. Unfortunately, when it comes to women’s sexual health, there seems to be little interest in addressing concerns like ours, especially regarding the side effects of SSRIs.
I could consider switching medications, but alternatives like Wellbutrin haven’t worked for me in the past. So here I am, stuck between emotional lows and subpar sexual experiences.
I strive to keep our intimacy alive, attempting to make it happen a couple of times a week because I love Alex. I try to allocate time for myself, ensuring my vibrators are charged, but the end result is often underwhelming. I’ve resigned myself to this reality, knowing it’s not an uncommon struggle for many.
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Summary
Navigating intimacy can be challenging, especially when medications hinder sexual satisfaction. The author shares her experience of struggling to achieve orgasm, despite a loving partner who is attentive and supportive. It highlights the frustration of putting in effort for a reward that often feels insufficient, and the emotional toll this experience takes on both partners. Despite the challenges, the author remains committed to their relationship, seeking to keep the spark alive.
Keyphrase: intimacy challenges and sexual satisfaction
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