Celebrating Our “Ordinary” Teens

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As parents, we all desire the best for our children and yearn for their happiness. However, sometimes it feels like these two goals clash.

I want my kids to be compassionate and diligent, joyful and focused. I hope they experience the fulfillment that comes from pursuing their passions. I wish for them to embrace their creativity and individuality. Yet, if you ask my teenager, his ideal life would revolve around video games, re-watching The Office, and hanging out with friends. He finds joy in marathon gaming sessions, with a mini-fridge stocked for late-night snacks. Activities like playing guitar, reading young adult novels, coding, or even practicing sports don’t seem to pique his interest.

At times, I worry that his “thing” might just be getting by with the bare minimum, and that he may miss out on the joy of diving into something he loves. His primary interests seem limited to enjoying laughs with friends and gaming. Ironically, he admits he’s not even that skilled at the games he plays; he just enjoys them.

Because I want the best for him, these worries linger. Should we impose stricter limits on his gaming time, especially since it’s been his main social outlet during the pandemic? Should we insist he reads before bed? Should we be enrolling him in more sports or finding a coach to challenge him? Should we offer incentives, like a new phone for good grades or consistent practice?

I know many parents who share this mindset. Growing up in the ’80s, I was shaped by high expectations and a strong work ethic. As an athlete, I was driven by both internal and external pressures. Sometimes I wonder if I should encourage my son more until he discovers his “passion” and finds intrinsic motivation.

But deep down, I feel that it’s best to let him be himself. I believe society’s obsession with “finding our passion” is often a way to tie our self-worth to productivity, making us feel like we must always strive for more. My heart tells me that my seemingly “ordinary” son is actually extraordinary in the ways that truly count.

Despite his average performance in academics, sports, or music, he radiates happiness. He is one of the happiest teens I know. Both he and his younger brother frequently express their love for life, often declaring, “I love my life!” and they genuinely mean it. Just the other day, my son was literally jumping for joy.

He not only cherishes his own life but spreads that joy to others. He is empathetic and thoughtful, often expressing love to my partner and me in front of his friends without any prompting. Recently, while discussing my work, he said, “Wow, you really work hard for us and even volunteer. That’s amazing.” Moments like these are priceless and deserve recognition.

Reflecting on my own teenage years, I was a diligent student and committed athlete, often training for hours each day. While I was content, I never openly declared my love for life like my son does. I had a wonderful relationship with my parents, yet I kept my emotions close. This is where I believe my son is truly remarkable.

I see social media posts from friends celebrating their children’s achievements, like winning swim meets or getting into advanced classes. I don’t harbor any resentment toward these parents; their pride is well-deserved. It just makes me contemplate how different my teen’s experience is compared to theirs.

Have we become so conditioned to equate success with grades, talent, and athletic achievements? What about the teens who are content with just getting by? Should we encourage them to push beyond this, or should we be at peace knowing they’re happy?

Personally, I’m choosing to focus on nurturing that inner spark of happiness within my son that hasn’t been extinguished. If that means allowing him to spend more time laughing with friends or binge-watching The Office, then so be it.

This doesn’t mean we allow him to neglect responsibilities. He still needs to keep up with schoolwork, engage in physical activity, and manage household chores. However, if he chooses not to pursue excellence in something beyond the ordinary, that’s okay.

Because while my children may seem ordinary by conventional standards, they are undoubtedly extraordinary in the ways that truly matter.

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Summary:

This article reflects on the balance between nurturing a child’s happiness and encouraging them to pursue excellence. The author shares personal anecdotes about their son’s joyful nature and questions traditional metrics of success, suggesting that even seemingly ordinary teens can be extraordinary in meaningful ways.

Keyphrase: Celebrating Ordinary Teens

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