When a loved one grapples with suicidal thoughts, it can be an excruciating experience. When that loved one is your child, the pain is magnified a hundredfold. Witnessing your child battle depression and hearing them express a desire to end their life is a heart-wrenching ordeal that can leave any parent feeling utterly devastated. It’s a struggle that is often misunderstood by those who haven’t faced it themselves, leaving many parents feeling isolated and misunderstood.
Unfortunately, this battle is not one you can easily share with others; you may face comments such as, “They’re just seeking attention,” or “You must be a terrible parent,” or even harsher judgments. Unlike physical illnesses like cancer, where children are readily seen as victims deserving of compassion and support, mental health struggles often lack that same societal understanding. However, there are moments of grace amid the turmoil, and I was fortunate to experience two such moments recently.
Just last week, a friend of mine, Sarah, inquired about my children during a drive. I have two wonderful boys, ages 8 and 9. I shared that my eldest son, who has autism, recently signed a safety plan with his therapist due to suicidal threats. My 9-year-old, whom I lovingly refer to as my “moon child,” has also expressed a wish to die. His younger brother, my “sun child,” struggles with similar thoughts and has already required inpatient treatment for self-harm. As Sarah listened, her compassionate response was, “My God, how do you manage that?” It was the first time someone had truly asked me about my experience, allowing me to reflect on how I cope when my beloved children express a desire to leave this world behind. If you’re a parent facing similar challenges, perhaps my insights will resonate with you.
1. Parent Without Regrets
Parenting my children can be incredibly challenging, and I often have to remind myself to pause and consider my actions. Before I react or impose consequences, I ask myself if my actions will leave me with regrets. Though I certainly make mistakes, I always acknowledge them and return to my sons to apologize and reassure them of my love and support. Many days, I feel like I’ve fallen short, but I take comfort in knowing that I’ve done my best to instill the knowledge of my unwavering love in their hearts.
2. Never Give Up
I am relentless in my advocacy for my boys, constantly seeking assistance and resources to help them. It often feels as if they entered this world carrying a heavy burden of shame and unworthiness. I will continue to fight against that feeling and teach them to stand strong for themselves. They are surrounded by a supportive village, and we will protect them when they cannot protect themselves. I will do whatever it takes—attending therapy sessions, researching treatments, praying, and enduring sleepless nights—to help them combat the darkness that threatens their well-being.
3. Maintain Hope, Faith, and Grace
I hold onto hope that these struggles will eventually pass, and I have faith that healing is possible. I also strive to extend grace should the unthinkable occur. I am aware of the statistics and know people who have suffered through similar heartbreak. I reflect on my own battles with depression and suicidal thoughts and understand what it means to feel lost. If my children ever reach a point where they can no longer fight, they will find only grace from me. Life is but a fleeting moment on the vast timeline of eternity. My sons hold faith in God and often speak of heaven, longing for a release from their pain.
During a recent conversation with my son’s therapist, she acknowledged the difficulty of the situation, saying, “I’m so sorry you’re all going through this. It’s incredibly hard.” Her simple acknowledgment was a gift I didn’t realize I needed. It reminded me that sometimes, all we need is empathy and understanding, not advice or judgment.
Parents of children who struggle with suicidal thoughts often find that no one rushes to their side in moments of pain, and yet they endure just as much as those with visible physical illnesses. The stigma surrounding mental health still prevails, but I hope for a future where understanding and support are extended to all.
So, fellow warriors, don’t expect casseroles or fundraising campaigns to show up at your door. Instead, focus on building a strong support system and be grateful for those few who genuinely inquire about your family. I wish you love, resilience, and above all, life. For more information on managing family challenges, check out Modern Family Blog, an excellent resource on this topic, or explore Healthline for valuable insights on mental health.
Summary
Coping with a child’s suicidal thoughts is a painful journey that can leave parents feeling isolated. Acknowledgment and empathy from friends can provide immense comfort. By prioritizing love, advocacy, hope, and grace, parents can navigate these challenges while fostering a supportive environment for their children. Building a strong community and seeking out resources can help in this ongoing fight for mental health.