57 Charming Valentine’s Day Jokes for All Ages

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57 Sweet & Silly Valentine’s Day Jokes You’re Sure to Enjoy

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Yes, they’re clean and undeniably corny!

by Lisa Thompson
Updated: Feb. 2, 2024
Originally Published: Jan. 10, 2021

Depending on your views about Valentine’s Day, you might see this heart-themed holiday as a big joke. However, even if you’re not particularly fond of it, you likely embrace it for your kids. Valentine’s Day brings endless fun for children, allowing them to express their creativity (like that heart-shaped drawing hanging on your fridge) and learn different ways to show affection. One of the most enjoyable ways to express love? Sharing laughter! So, don’t hesitate to share these delightfully cheesy Valentine’s Day jokes. Show your goofy side! Let your child see your enthusiasm, and help them include some of these adorably corny quips in their class Valentine’s cards. Or, if humor is your love language, use these work-friendly Valentine’s Day jokes as captions or in messages to coworkers, friends, and family. Whether you find joy in the commercial frenzy of this holiday or just can’t resist a pun, you’ll love sharing these funny one-liners and zingers.

1. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
   “I’m stuck on you.”
2. What did the volcano say to its Valentine?
   “I lava you.”
3. What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card?
   “Be my Valen-slime.”
4. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?
   “He gave her a ring.”
5. What did the cucumber say to the pickle on Valentine’s Day?
   “You mean a great dill to me.”
6. What did one sheep say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
   “I love ewe.”
7. Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend?
   “He stole her heart.”
8. What did the cat say to her Valentine?
   “You’re purr-fect for me.”
9. What do you call two birds in love?
   “Tweethearts.”
10. What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time?
    “ChocoLATE.”
11. What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?
    “My heart beats for you.”
12. What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day?
    “You can always count on me.”
13. What did the alchemist say to her Valentine?
    “I think of you periodically.”
14. What did the squirrel say to her Valentine?
    “I’m nuts about you.”
15. What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
    “Whale you be mine?”
16. How did the vampire know he found the right Valentine?
    “It was love at first bite.”
17. What did the elephant say to his Valentine?
    “I love you a ton.”
18. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?
    “Because it’s got heart.”
19. Why did the boy put candy under his pillow on the eve of Valentine’s Day?
    “He wanted sweet dreams.”
20. What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?
    “Cauliflowers.”
21. What did the bat say to his Valentine?
    “You’re fun to hang around with.”
22. What did one light bulb say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
    “I love you a whole watt.”
23. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you.
24. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke, I got a Valentine.
25. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there? Frank. Frank who? Frank you for being my Valentine.
26. What’s the best recipe for a perfect morning on Feb. 14?
    “A hug and a quiche.”
27. Why did the dad approve of his daughter’s goalie boyfriend?
    “He was a real keeper.”
28. Why were the forks disappointed on Valentine’s Day?
    “All they wanted to do was spoon.”
29. How did the tennis ball flirt with the racquet?
    “By saying, Hit me up!”
30. Why did the skeleton break up with her boyfriend before Valentine’s Day?
    “Her heart wasn’t in it.”
31. What did the baker say to his wife on V-Day?
    “Gimme some sugar!”
32. What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine’s Day?
    “Lovesick.”
33. Why was the canoe considered a heartthrob?
    “He was so row-mantic.”
34. What did the romantic sing after she got a paper cut?
    “I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love!”
35. What can get you in trouble with the law on Valentine’s Day?
    “Stealing too many hearts.”
36. What do you call it when fish date?
    “Guppy love.”
37. What band does Cupid love listening to?
    “Kiss.”
38. What did the blueberry say to his Valentine?
    “I love you berry much.”
39. What do you say to a pig on Feb. 14?
    “Happy Valen-swine’s Day!”
40. Why couldn’t the mineral water find a date for Valentine’s Day?
    “All of his friendships were purely pla-tonic.”
41. What did Han Sola say to Princess Leia on Valentine’s Day?
    “Yoda one for me!”
42. What’s Cupid’s favorite kind of dinner?
    “A heart-y one.”
43. What does Cupid call it when he brings two people together?
    “Kiss-met.”
44. What did the astronaut say to her Valentine?
    “I love you to the moon and back.”
45. Did you hear about the radios that got married on Valentine’s Day?
    “The reception was incredible.”
46. What happened when two boats fell in love on Valentine’s Day?
    “It was the start of a great row-mance.”
47. What did the yardstick say to its Valentine?
    “We be-long together.”
48. Why did the banana fall for his Valentine?
    “He thought she had ap-peel.”
49. Who always has a Valentine’s date?
    “A calendar.”
50. Why do artichokes love Valentine’s Day so much?
    “They’re known for their hearts.”
51. What did the toast say to its Valentine?
    “You’re my butter half!”
52. Why were the forks disappointed on Valentine’s Day?
    “All they wanted to do was spoon.”
53. What is it called when an aunt runs off to get married on Valentine’s Day?
    “Antelope.”
54. Where did the high heel take her date on Valentine’s Day?
    “The foot-ball.”
55. What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine’s Day?
    “Lovesick.”
56. Which type of flower is famous for giving kisses on Valentine’s Day?
    “Tu-lips.”
57. Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
    “Of course! They’re very scent-imental.”

This article was originally published on Jan. 10, 2021.

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Summary:

This collection features 57 charming and silly Valentine’s Day jokes perfect for both kids and adults. From puns about love and relationships to lighthearted quips, these jokes are a delightful way to celebrate the holiday. Use them in cards, share them with friends, or simply enjoy a good laugh. Plus, explore related topics like home insemination and what to expect during IUI treatments through engaging blog posts.

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