Friendships can be challenging to establish at any stage of life, but the current climate makes it even tougher. My closest companions are primarily those I’ve known since college, along with a handful of friends from various workplaces over the years. Since becoming a parent, I’ve intentionally kept my friend circle small, surrounding myself with those who understand the unique complexities of being a gay parent.
With COVID-19 lingering, my interactions with friends have largely shifted to text messages. As we strive to create a sense of normalcy for our children and support their social connections, I find myself questioning whether it’s worth the effort to forge new friendships, particularly with the parents of my kids’ friends. The answer remains elusive, and I’m still trying to figure it out.
Making new friends is exhausting, and maintaining those relationships can be even more time-consuming. Parenthood can feel incredibly isolating from the very beginning. When my children began daycare, I hoped to connect with other parents during drop-off or pick-up times, but that never materialized for me. I often feel an unnecessary pressure to expand my social circle, perhaps exacerbated by the isolation we’ve collectively experienced—on top of my introverted nature.
A quick online search for “how to make friends with other parents” led me to a helpful article from the New York Times, offering straightforward advice. The top three suggestions include “start close to home,” “make the first conversational move,” and “find an online parenting group that’s right for you.” It felt reminiscent of navigating online dating, where initial discomfort gives way to finding someone you enjoy talking to. However, COVID-19 complicates this process significantly.
One parent, Jordan Blake, mentioned that they and their partner have not made any new parent friends since the pandemic began. “There’s nowhere I feel comfortable gathering,” they shared with Home Insemination Kit. “At daycare, our child is picked up and dropped off at the door, so we don’t even see inside the building or meet other parents. This limits our interactions.” This highlights how safety concerns affect our ability to connect. Our “gaydar,” as Jordan put it, is less effective when we can’t see smiles or read facial expressions.
Initiating conversations, the second step, can be daunting even in normal circumstances. We are encouraged to use our words—something we also teach our children—not only to make friends but to gauge the character of potential connections. This can be particularly nerve-wracking for LGBTQ individuals, as there may be fears of encountering closed-minded attitudes. With social distancing necessary, easing into a conversation feels nearly impossible.
One piece of advice from the New York Times article that resonated with me is to start conversations without expectations. Author Melanie Dale, who wrote “Women Are Scary: The Totally Awkward Adventure of Finding Mom Friends,” suggests that if another parent declines an invitation, they might just be busy or wary from past experiences. This perspective encourages us not to preemptively judge where a potential friendship might lead, which can help avoid disappointment.
As a gay parent, I hold high expectations for the people I let into my life, but perhaps the pandemic teaches us to be more flexible. Expecting nothing in return could be the key to navigating friendship in these uncertain times.
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In summary, forging friendships as an LGBTQ parent is a complex endeavor, particularly during the ongoing pandemic. While traditional methods of meeting other parents have been disrupted, finding ways to connect—whether through online groups or casual conversations—remains essential.
Keyphrase: LGBTQ parenting friendships during COVID-19
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