My mom has a knack for asking questions just to steer the conversation back to herself. Whether it’s about holiday plans or summer adventures, she’s not genuinely interested. Instead, her inquiries serve as a platform for her to share her own experiences and opinions. On a recent visit, she interrupted me multiple times—so many that I lost count. My son, visibly annoyed, eventually left the room when she started talking about car troubles, despite having no knowledge of the subject.
Even my teenage son simply wanted to express his frustrations without receiving advice. While I’ve grown accustomed to her self-centered ways over the years, it made me reflect on how many of us encounter individuals who feel compelled to dispense unsolicited advice without truly listening.
It wasn’t until my thirties that I truly valued friendships characterized by active listening. One day, while sharing my frustrations about my mother-in-law with my neighbor, she didn’t interrupt or offer unsolicited advice. Instead, she simply said, “Tell me about her.” That was all it took. For the remainder of our conversation, she listened with empathy and without judgment, allowing me to feel seen and understood.
From that moment, I committed to being a more attentive listener myself, having never felt so validated. While it’s important to share experiences and connect with others, there are times when the most valuable thing we can do is to listen without interjecting our own stories or opinions.
Often, people aren’t searching for solutions; they just want someone to hear them out. By doing so, you communicate that they matter, that they don’t need fixing, and that you believe in their ability to navigate through their challenges. In our busy lives, it’s easy to rush conversations, but taking the time to listen is far more beneficial.
My friend offered me an invaluable gift that day: the opportunity to express myself without the pressure of receiving advice. I left her home feeling heard and accepted, without the burden of judgment or comparison.
Listening is a gift that costs nothing. Asking, “How can I support you right now?” can be much more effective than trying to provide solutions. I’ve found that truly getting to know someone happens when we allow them the space to talk freely, without interruptions.
For more insights on navigating relationships and communication, check out this blog post.
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