Have a Family Member Struggling with Anxiety? Establish a Safe Word

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I recently shared on my blog how I felt overwhelmed by anxiety throughout Christmas Day. There wasn’t a specific trigger; I just woke up feeling anxious and carried that weight while my partner and kids reveled in the joy of unwrapping presents and celebrating a special day.

Honestly, I anticipated this feeling. The month before, my partner had been hospitalized, and during those weeks, I was too busy to process my emotions. Typically, my anxiety would surface later when things calmed down, but I had hoped to avoid it during the holidays.

However, it hit me hard.

I forced a smile, not wanting to dampen the festive spirit for my family. I played along, opened gifts, and tried to be present, but I felt disconnected, lost deep in my anxiety while putting on a brave face for my children.

It turns out that many people struggle with anxiety during the holidays. After my blog post, I received numerous messages, but one stood out: a mother thanking me for helping her understand her daughter’s anxiety. They had created a “safe” word that the daughter could text her mother whenever she needed to step away from a stressful situation.

As someone who has dealt with anxiety for years, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of this before. Many parents tell their teens to text an “X” if they need an escape from uncomfortable social settings, but I had never considered applying this concept to my own anxiety.

Throughout my life, I’ve often tried to push through anxiety, putting on a happy face and pretending everything is fine. I usually say I’m “tired” or “busy” rather than admitting I’m anxious, partly due to the stigma surrounding mental health. On a holiday, it’s easy for others to question why someone would feel anxious, as if it’s not allowed.

Having a designated safe word would have allowed me to communicate my need for space without any awkward conversations. It could have been a simple text to my partner, making it clear why I needed to take a breather, whether it was stepping outside, going to another room, or even leaving a gathering early. This small gesture would grant me more control over my anxiety and enable me to use coping strategies I’ve learned over the years.

This idea goes beyond just social gatherings. While COVID has limited social interactions, those opportunities will return, and establishing a safe word can be incredibly beneficial.

If you have a family member dealing with anxiety, I highly recommend setting up something similar with them. It will provide them the freedom to exit a situation when they’re feeling overwhelmed and take the time they need to regroup. Most importantly, it shows your loved one that you understand their mental health struggles and are there to support them without judgment. As someone who has faced mental illness for much of my life, I can assure you that this kind of support is invaluable.

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In summary, creating a safe word for family members struggling with anxiety can foster understanding and provide an essential tool for managing overwhelming situations. It offers them a way to express their needs without fear of judgment, reinforcing that they have your support.

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