I have a bit of a secret to share. While it’s not exactly news to those who know me, revealing it to my friends and followers on social media feels different—especially when I put it out there for the world to see on this platform.
I create fan fiction. Not just any type, but the steamy kind. (The best kind, if you ask me.) This year alone, I’ve penned over 175,000 words—most of which are fan fiction, with a significant portion being quite explicit.
Looking back, it seems almost inevitable that I would begin writing adult fan fiction. As a child, long before I even knew what fan fiction was, I fantasized about characters like Joey from NKOTB or Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation (the best Star Trek, fight me!). I often imagined myself in these scenarios. My curiosity about sex was undeniable; I frequently explored the romance section at the library but was too ashamed to check those books out. Instead, I would sneak them in and out, trying to hide my interest.
Sex was taboo, viewed as something immoral. Growing up in a conservative Taiwanese Christian household, where my father’s hypocrisy regarding fidelity was evident, made it even more stigmatized. Fast forward a couple of decades filled with self-discovery, and I no longer feel ashamed. Now in my 40s, I find that people often wish I would stop discussing sex and desire, particularly as it relates to my latest obsession, the K-pop group BTS.
As a writer with experience in non-explicit fan fiction and a voracious reader of adult-themed stories, it was only natural for me to transition into writing more explicit content. After all, everyone has to cope with life’s challenges in their own way, especially during a year like 2020.
Some may dismiss fan fiction as an inferior art form since it involves characters created by others—be they fictional or real. However, this perspective doesn’t bother me. Writing fan fiction has not only honed my skills as a writer but has also provided a safe space to explore my values, desires—both sexual and otherwise—and the concept of consent.
It’s no secret that many popular book franchises began as fan fiction—perhaps the most famous example being the Fifty Shades of Grey series that originated from Twilight fan fiction. There are countless published works that started this way. I may not be ready to revisit those narratives just yet, but it’s clear fan fiction has entered the mainstream, evidenced by even major networks like Lifetime producing films based on quirky fan fiction stories.
The real question, however, is why is sexual content often scrutinized? People can write about imaginary characters, but why include sex? My answer is simple: because it’s a part of storytelling. Characters have relationships, and many of those involve sex. Some characters have sex frequently, in varied scenarios that I would never want to experience personally. But the beauty of writing is that it’s all imaginary.
I got tired of reading the same clichéd sex scenes—like those awkward moments of wetness that feel more like a medical issue, or the unrealistic portrayal of body types. I longed to see characters that reflected my own life—a middle-aged woman who isn’t necessarily white—engaging in realistic and sometimes messy sexual encounters that included interruptions from daily life. When I couldn’t find those stories, I took matters into my own hands and began writing them.
Admittedly, my own tastes in sexuality are quite vanilla. After a long day managing the needs of my family, the last thing I want to do is think about someone else’s needs in the bedroom. And while I do have a fulfilling sexual relationship with my husband, the details of our intimate life are private and don’t dictate the worth of my writing.
It’s alarming how some people react negatively to a woman, like myself, writing about sex between consenting adults. But I’ve come to realize that there’s a significant backlash against women who express their desires openly. And I have desires—I want many things, and sex is certainly one of them.
The more I delve into adult fan fiction, the more I uncover my own values and beliefs about sex, consent, and societal norms. This writing journey has prompted me to challenge my own biases about casual sex, sex work, and how our backgrounds shape our sexual choices.
I actively research and question the tropes I use, seeking to portray sex authentically and responsibly. This exploration allows me to clarify what I want and what I’m comfortable with, enhancing my real-life sexual experiences within my marriage. And if it results in more fulfilling experiences for both myself and others? Well, then I’m all in.
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Summary:
Writing fan fiction has allowed me to embrace my sexuality and desires in a way that feels safe and empowering. It has helped me explore my values around sex, consent, and societal norms, ultimately enhancing my real-life experiences. Through the process, I’ve discovered the importance of representation and authenticity in storytelling, particularly when it comes to depicting diverse sexual experiences.
Keyphrase: Fan fiction and sexuality
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