Recently, it’s become all too common to see my nine-year-old son sitting outside his sister Mia’s room, absorbed in a game on his iPad. When I ask him what he’s up to, his response is always the same: he’s waiting. Waiting for Mia to finish her FaceTime call with friends, as she promised to play with him afterward.
I suggest he come join me while I work, but he merely shrugs it off. He’s content to sit there, waiting for his sister, who is nearly eleven.
I knew this moment would arrive—the day when she’d outgrow building LEGO creations and crafting imaginative stories with her younger brother. I anticipated her friends and the allure of her private space would overshadow the vibrant playroom bursting with toys. And while I understood my son would linger in the realm of superheroes and LEGO figures for a while longer, I didn’t realize how much it would hurt to witness him lose his playmate, nor how desperately I would cling to the fleeting moments when she still chose to engage with him.
My children have always shared a close bond, both in age and emotional support. They’ve faced challenges together that many kids will never experience—first their father’s diagnosis of cancer, followed by his passing, and now my attempts to navigate single parenting during a pandemic.
Now, however, Mia is slipping into a world that excludes him, and I can see he’s adrift without her, unsure of how to entertain himself and possibly not even wanting to play alone.
He tries to negotiate with her. He promises to give her ten minutes of space in exchange for her time later, or he offers to watch the shows she prefers if it means they can return to their imaginative play another day. I even catch him trying to enjoy her interests, such as the video games and TV shows that her friends are into, all in an effort to maintain their connection.
Of course, he’d never admit this. If you ask him, Mia is annoying, and he doesn’t care what she’s up to. Their relationship isn’t always sunshine and rainbows; they argue frequently, sometimes feeling like all day long. He irritates her, and she knows just how to press his buttons. Yet, despite this, there he is, consistently sitting outside her door, waiting for her, trying to negotiate for more time together.
Sometimes he even seeks my help to coax her out of her room. While I understand it’s normal for her to want to chat with friends and play online games, I can’t help but support his cause. I tell myself that imaginative play is essential for her development and that too much screen time isn’t healthy. But ultimately, like him, I’m not ready to let go of the giggles and creativity that fill their time together. I want to cherish every last bit of her childhood for just a little longer.
Mia rarely complains. She often agrees to play with her brother—out of kindness and because she knows that when she’s busy with him, I can tackle my endless to-do list as a single mom. But although she still engages with him, it feels less like playtime and more like she’s becoming his “mother’s helper.”
This shift speaks to a maturity in her that goes beyond mere socializing with friends. We can still entice her out of her room with requests to “go play,” and while she complies, the truth is, she’s growing up. My son and I must accept this change, even if we mourn the loss of her “little kid” self. Because in all honesty, the “big kid” version of her is pretty remarkable too.
As far as sibling bonds go, I trust that their relationship will endure a lifetime. Right now, though, it’s evolving, and all I can do is watch my son wait outside Mia’s door, hoping for her to let him in, even if just for a few hours. I too wait for the day when they’re both tucked away behind closed doors, creating worlds and experiences that don’t require me. It’ll be a different kind of heartbreak, a new normal that’s inevitable but no less nostalgic for what once was.
It’s the natural course of life. And while I’ll always treasure the “little kid” versions of them, I’m excited to see what lies ahead.
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Summary:
The article reflects on the emotional journey of a mother witnessing her tween daughter growing apart from her younger brother. As the daughter shifts towards friendships and private interests, her brother struggles to maintain their once-close bond. The piece captures the bittersweet reality of watching children grow and the inevitable changes in their relationships, while also expressing hope for their future connection.
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