As a single mother, I’ve navigated this journey for nearly my son’s entire life. We’re practically inseparable; he’s my constant companion. While it’s common for strangers to approach us with questions, I can handle inquiries about his age or whether he enjoys trains. However, I must draw the line at questions regarding his father.
To the man I encountered on the street, please refrain from asking about my son’s father. Why? Because it’s simply not your concern.
Initially, I would often respond in a way that suggested his father and I were still together, aiming to quickly end the conversation. It was partly true; we were in a long-distance relationship, but strangers don’t need the specifics.
Many of these intrusive questions stem from men who are trying to gauge my relationship status, likely to see if they can flirt with me. Herein lies the issue: if your only hesitation about approaching me—a complete stranger managing a toddler—is based on whether I have a partner, then it’s time to reassess your priorities. How about you don’t approach me simply because I’m out with my child? How about you respect my space because you don’t know me, and that’s a deeply personal question? And honestly, it’s just an awkward situation for everyone involved.
While my son’s father is indeed part of our lives, our relationship is not romantic. Even if he weren’t in the picture, I wouldn’t appreciate a random passerby trying to fill that gap. It’s a predatory mindset that feels uncomfortable and misguided.
I vividly remember a night when I took an Uber home after babysitting. My son was happily snacking, and I engaged the older driver in small talk. When he asked where my son’s father was, I felt my heart drop. “It’s just me and him,” I replied. He then had the audacity to ask, “So who takes care of you?” Yes, he really said that. My response was, “I take care of myself. We live with my parents,” even though it was none of his business.
His follow-up question, “Is the daddy in the picture?” made me want to scream. “Yes, he is,” I said, hoping to shut down the conversation. But really, how is it any of his concern who is involved in my son’s life? What if I had been in a toxic situation and didn’t want that person around? What if I didn’t have family to support me? It’s irrelevant, and frankly, none of your business.
This wasn’t an isolated incident. I’ve encountered at least two other drivers who felt entitled to inquire about my son’s father. After the first awkward encounter, I learned to say, “He’s in California,” which is true, but I refuse to divulge any further details.
Just because my son’s father isn’t physically present every day doesn’t mean they lack a relationship. It also doesn’t grant anyone the right to pry into our lives. As a single mother, I feel pressured to fabricate my relationship status more than I did when I was single. I often wonder if these men would dare ask the same questions if I wore a wedding ring. Usually, I believe they wouldn’t care about my child having an involved father; they’re more interested in my availability. It feels dehumanizing.
I am not less of a person because my relationship with my son’s father didn’t work out. This is life. I am a mother solely responsible for my child’s well-being, and single mothers have enough challenges without feeling objectified by random men. So, men, if you’re tempted to ask a mother where her son’s father is or pry into her personal life, please reconsider. If a mother feels comfortable sharing, it will be because you have established a connection—not as a stranger on the street. Until then, kindly take a step back.
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Summary
Navigating life as a single mother can be challenging enough without the unsolicited inquiries from strangers about your child’s father. It’s important to establish boundaries and remind others that personal matters should remain private. Respectful awareness in these interactions can help create a more comfortable environment for all.