Listen up, everyone. My third child nearly pushed me to my limits. A few months ago, I genuinely began to wonder if I could endure the sleep deprivation any longer. My little one is what many would call “high-needs.” While there are other descriptors that might be more fitting, “high-needs” sounds a bit gentler, so let’s go with that.
For most of her early days, my baby craved almost constant attention. She was a nightmare when it came to sleeping, wanted to nurse an astonishing number of times, and seemed to be glued to my side at all times.
She is nothing like my first two children. My first was the quintessential easy baby who didn’t teach me anything about parenting. I would pick him up out of guilt after he had been happily playing alone for too long. He rarely cried at night; he’d wake just to nurse, and then drift back to sleep without fuss. I thought I was a parenting pro thanks to him.
My second child seemed challenging after my easy firstborn, but looking back, he was practically self-sufficient compared to this third one.
From six to ten months, my daughter wanted no one but me. This isn’t an exaggeration. She’d tolerate her father or brothers only briefly, and once that whine started, we all knew it was game over. There was no calming her; she just wanted her mom.
We tried everything. My amazing partner wanted to bond with her and give me a much-needed break. I would attempt to take a bath or even just step into another room to work. I could hear him singing to her while wearing her in a carrier. For a few minutes, it seemed to work. If we were lucky, she might even doze off.
But when she reached her limit, that was it. He put forth so much effort to soothe her, but she would only scream. And the moment I would take her from him, she would instantly calm down. She just wanted me.
There were countless nights I found myself in a rocking chair, wide awake, crying as I stared at her peaceful face. One night, I held her and thought, “If I had her first, her brothers wouldn’t be here. She is everything.”
The stereotypes about third children are real, folks.
Then came the day she started crawling. Although she was late to the game, mastering it around ten months, it felt like a miracle when she did. My life began to transform. While she’s still a handful, she can now explore independently and find her way back to me without needing constant attachment. It seems that knowing she can reach me any time has made her a bit more relaxed.
She has also started to nurse less often, opting for cups, and now drinks water a few times a day instead of incessantly tugging at my shirt and yelling, “MOMMY!” until I feel overwhelmed.
Sleep is still a struggle, but I’m grateful for the two to three-hour stretches she offers me at night. It feels like a step in the right direction.
I don’t want to jinx it, but I think we might have finally weathered the storm. It’s been about a month since I’ve looked at my partner and asked, “This little one is quite the handful, right? I’m not a bad parent; she’s just very needy, correct?”
If you’re navigating life with a new baby who demands more than you ever imagined, hang on tight. When you hear that piercing cry, it resonates with your heart, and you instinctively want to comfort your child. Yet, it can feel like a constant race to meet one need only to have another pop up.
Even the most patient parents can be brought to their knees by a high-needs baby. You’re not alone if you feel overwhelmed. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. The well-meaning advice from others about how quickly this phase will pass? Just ignore it. When you’re in the thick of it, the first year with a high-needs baby can feel endless.
You will blink, but when you do, your baby won’t magically be older. They’ll still be that tiny, demanding bundle of joy. And that blink? It might just be the six minutes of sleep you managed to grab since the last time you laid them down.
It’s tough, and your feelings are completely valid. But there is hope. As my high-needs baby approaches her first birthday, she is transitioning into (presumably) a high-needs toddler. While that comes with its own set of challenges, I’m ready for the next phase, which at least includes a bit more sleep.
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Summary:
Navigating life with a high-needs baby can be incredibly challenging. The author shares their experience raising a demanding third child, contrasting her needs with those of her older siblings. After enduring sleepless nights and constant demands for attention, they recount how their baby’s newfound mobility has brought some relief, allowing for moments of independence. As they look forward to the future, hope remains that this phase will evolve into a more manageable experience.
Keyphrase: high-needs baby
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