When I was pregnant with my first daughter at just 17 years old, formula feeding seemed like my only option. It was logical; I was navigating my senior year as a single teen mom and working as a waitress at Chili’s. Surprisingly, no one questioned my choice. Perhaps it was due to the sympathetic “bless her heart” attitude they had towards my situation. “As long as the baby is fed, what more can we expect from her?” I didn’t realize then that I was let off the hook quite easily.
Fast forward ten years: I’m now married and expecting another child. This time, I have a career that allows me to work from home, and we aren’t struggling like before. It’s what you might call an ideal situation. (Don’t roll your eyes; it took a lot of hard work to get here.) Yet, despite our financial stability and doing things in a more “traditional” manner, I have never felt more judged for one decision: I have chosen to exclusively pump or, depending on how that goes, possibly formula feed my newborn.
When I made the decision to pump, I felt like I had just conquered a monumental challenge. I was ready to provide my baby with the celebrated breastmilk everyone talked about. (That said, I wholeheartedly support formula feeding too; a fed baby is what truly matters.) When asked if I would breastfeed, I confidently replied, “Yes, that’s the plan, but I’ll be exclusively pumping.” To my dismay, their reactions were often negative, and I felt compelled to defend my choice, even though I knew it was made with careful consideration.
I often found myself offering secondary reasons for my decision: my husband could help more with bottle feeding during late-night shifts, it suited our family’s dynamics better, and it allowed me to monitor my baby’s intake more closely.
However, the universal response was rarely understanding. It typically included comments like, “But it’s a bonding experience if you breastfeed. Don’t you want that?” As if I would rather not bond with the child I carried for nine months. Let’s be real; she has already turned me into a sleep-deprived mess.
The most popular unsolicited advice I received was, “You should just try it. You’ll regret it if you don’t.” But I have to disagree. I am a survivor of sexual abuse, and I have always struggled with certain forms of touch. A Norwegian study indicated that women with a history of abuse are less likely to breastfeed, possibly due to feelings of insecurity or PTSD. It’s crucial to remember: your body, your baby, your choice!
“But it’s the most natural thing in the world,” some would say. This comment, even coming from my well-meaning husband, made my skin crawl. What’s truly unnatural is reliving past trauma while attempting to nourish your child. The guilt can be overwhelming. I have dealt with discomfort around my chest for years, stemming from a guilt-driven attempt to breastfeed my firstborn with pressure from a nurse.
Ten years later, I still grapple with my past, pushing through mental barriers. The idea of being near a pump or allowing my newborn to latch on fills me with anxiety.
That said, I’m trying. I don’t want my past to rob me of experiences I wish to share with my child. I’m attempting to find value in the unsolicited advice while battling my own demons.
“Just push through; it’s temporary, but the benefits are forever.” Some women can power through the challenges of breastfeeding, but not everyone can, and they shouldn’t be judged for it. A comfortable and confident mom is invaluable. You must prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, or it will only create stress for both you and your baby.
I’m still uncertain if exclusively pumping will work for me. Regardless, I know my child will not go hungry. My firstborn is a bit quirky—she talks to inanimate objects and pretends to be a man-eating eagle—but I doubt the formula or lack of breastfeeding caused her to be that way.
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Summary:
Navigating motherhood can be complicated, especially for those with past trauma. This article explores the author’s journey with feeding choices and the societal pressures that accompany them. While the decision to pump or formula feed may be met with judgment, it’s essential to prioritize emotional well-being and make choices that are best for both mother and child.
Keyphrase: Trauma and breastfeeding challenges
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