I’ve always struggled with disciplining my children. Growing up, I feared making mistakes or crossing boundaries because of strict punishments. When I became a parent, I vowed not to repeat those patterns, yet I found myself unprepared for the constant challenges my kids posed. I often wondered why they couldn’t just make things easier by listening to me.
But here’s the reality: children have their own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Adults sometimes dismiss their frustrations over seemingly trivial things, like not being able to use a specific color fork, and we often react poorly when they throw tantrums over such issues. Even after 17 years of parenting experience, I still get flustered when they respond in ways that I don’t understand or expect. It took me a long time to recognize that children’s behavior often reflects their inner emotional state.
For example, one day my daughter was really upset about a friend issue at school. Instead of taking a moment to check in with her, my immediate response was to punish her by taking away her phone. I was frustrated by her attitude and wanted her to complete her chores without considering the emotional turmoil she was experiencing.
I certainly won’t be winning any “Parent of the Year” awards, but we all learn as we go, right? Since my children were young, my instinct was to either give in or punish them when they misbehaved. Many parents can relate to this; who wouldn’t want their tantrumming toddler in the store to just quiet down? But what if I told you that I discovered an approach that completely changed my perspective on handling challenging behaviors in kids?
Meghan Leahy, a parenting expert, wrote an insightful article for Working Mother titled “The Discipline Strategy That Stops Tantrums And Bossy Behavior In Its Tracks.” She emphasizes that when we acknowledge our children’s feelings and show understanding, it often leads to resolving the underlying issues causing their disruptive behavior.
Leahy suggests starting conversations with phrases like, “It sounds like…” or “It seems like you feel…” followed by a word that captures their emotion. The beauty of children is that they will happily correct you if you’re wrong about how they feel. By maintaining our boundaries while speaking to them compassionately, we demonstrate that it’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or frustration. Adults experience these emotions too, and we wouldn’t want to be punished for feeling them.
It can be exasperating, sometimes even humiliating, when our kids express their displeasure through tears or anger. Yet, it’s a part of the parenting journey that we often discuss. Leahy points out that when we feel a loss of control and just want the behavior to stop, we might compromise our boundaries. This can lead to insecurity in our children regarding who holds the authority in the family structure.
Reflecting on my own experiences, I recognized times when I had dropped my boundaries to appease my kids. However, I also remembered instances when I successfully implemented these new strategies. For instance, potty training my son was a challenging battle. After a messy incident at the beach, I had to change him while he was kicking and screaming. I acknowledged his frustration and validated his feelings about missing out on playtime, which ultimately helped him feel heard.
After that experience, he took the initiative to use the potty on his own, realizing the benefits of controlling his own body. Acknowledging his emotions that day empowered him to make a significant change. This approach resonates with adults as well—everyone wants to feel understood. If it reduces tantrums and reinforces necessary boundaries, it’s beneficial for both parents and children.
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In summary, recognizing and validating our children’s emotions is crucial for fostering their emotional well-being. By maintaining boundaries while also being empathetic, we can help our kids navigate their feelings and behaviors more effectively.
Keyphrase: Understanding Kids’ Emotions
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