I’m not dating. It’s been a decade since my divorce, and I have no interest in jumping into a new relationship. Sure, I’ve had a few boyfriends—some more serious than others, and a couple that were purely physical—but for the last several years, I’ve been completely, utterly, and blissfully unattached.
And you know what? I’m perfectly okay with it. So why does this seem to perplex some people?
From what I read, there seems to be a prevailing notion that divorce equals an urgent need to start dating again. Recently divorced individuals often worry as if they are racing against the clock to find new love, believing their lives won’t be complete without a partner by their side every night. I still encounter folks asking, “Why aren’t you dating?” or “You shouldn’t be alone!” or my personal favorite, “You and the kids need a man around.”
There are plenty of things I need: a job to support my family, parenting my children, managing household chores, and taking care of my energetic dog. But do I need a relationship? Absolutely not.
There’s something liberating about being single. I’ve mastered the art of enjoying my own company without feeling lonely, a gift that took time to discover and even longer to appreciate. Learning to be content with myself has been one of the unexpected benefits of divorce.
Don’t get me wrong—I don’t spend all my time alone. With four kids and a lively dog, I’m hardly ever on my own. However, I cherish those rare moments of solitude. Before my divorce, I had never lived alone; I moved straight from my parents’ house to a shared living situation with roommates, then to a relationship that turned into marriage. Now, for the first time in my adult life, I’m alone and not seeking companionship.
Part of my decision may stem from a place of self-protection. My ex-husband left me in a difficult situation, and while I recognize that I’ve healed, I also know that I’m not quite ready to dive back into the dating pool. It’s not that I’m afraid to be vulnerable or distrustful of men; it’s more a matter of feeling a bit insecure. After experiencing a failed marriage, the thought of investing another 15 years only to face heartbreak again is daunting.
But I prefer to think of my single status as a period of growth. I’m learning to enjoy my own presence, which is an essential foundation for any future relationship. It takes bravery to navigate life on your own, and I feel empowered by mastering this part of my journey. Every woman should learn how to handle life independently.
Now, I’m not criticizing those who quickly jump back into dating. I have friends who found new and fulfilling relationships before their divorce decrees were even finalized, and that’s fantastic. Everyone has their unique path to healing and growing. Truth be told, there are moments when I feel a twinge of envy as I watch friends with their partners—experiencing the comforts and joys of companionship, like the warmth of an arm around you on a chilly night or the security of having someone to share your life with.
However, I also witness friends who cycle through various relationships, bringing new partners into their lives and homes only to find themselves alone again. I’ve been there to support them during tough times, when they realize their latest beau was just a temporary distraction rather than “Mr. Right.” Their determination to find love is admirable, yet I often wonder if they pursue relationships out of genuine desire or societal pressure.
Recently, I spoke with another single friend who became a widow. She shared her experience of people questioning her about dating just weeks after losing her husband. “I had to remove my wedding band for a bit, and suddenly, everyone had an opinion,” she explained. “But my focus is on my kids and my responsibilities right now. I can tackle dating later.”
Though we arrived at our singlehood via different routes, we both recognize that love is important but not the central focus of our lives. We’re prioritizing motherhood, maintaining friendships, and taking care of ourselves while navigating this journey.
As a single parent, there will always be those who insist that you owe it to yourself or your children to be in a relationship. They argue that showing kids a healthy romantic partnership is essential or that being single isn’t natural. But here’s the truth: the only thing you owe yourself and your kids is to be the best version of yourself. Sometimes that means dating or being in love, and other times it doesn’t. You must do what works for you. And by the way, being single doesn’t preclude you from having a fulfilling personal life—moms can manage both.
Who knows? Love may find me when I least expect it. If it does, that’s wonderful. I’m not ruling out romance or even marriage; I’ve merely decided that, for now, it’s not my top priority. I might meet someone special while grocery shopping or walking my dog. Maybe I’ll even consider downloading a dating app, like one that matches you based on shared dislikes, which sounds intriguing. Or maybe I won’t. Either way, I’m content with my current situation, and others should be too.
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Summary:
Living happily divorced and without the pressure to date is a liberating experience. This article explores the joys of embracing singlehood, focusing on personal growth, motherhood, and the importance of being true to oneself while navigating societal expectations regarding relationships.